This article will be broken down into 4 parts, combining into the ultimate first date guide for men. Part one is “Where to go on a First Date” where I cover some date ideas and the level of “touching” applicable to each date. Section two is general first date tips, such as how to interact and escalate physically. Part three is what to talk about on a first date (and beyond), if you’re looking for topics of conversation whether it be at dinner or on your actual date we have you covered here. Section 4 is for date night at your house, either with a new girl, or even a first date. Enjoy! (and feel free to leave comments)
Where to go on a First Date (First Date Ideas)
When planning a date it makes things a lot less stressful to have a full plan laid out for the evening, if you know what you’re going to do there’s no reason to worry. Men are often stumped about the best options and places to go for a first date, or run out of ideas when they’ve been dating someone for a while. These first date ideas will help out with the planning of a date now or in the future. With an abundance of ideas you can use these for quite awhile.
As discussed below in the tips, touch is the key aspect of a first date. Because of that, I have included a score out of 5 on a “touch meter” for each place/location, based on how much touching can go on with you and your date. The dates are listed in order of “touch meter” rankings..The more you can escalate and feel comfortable on a date the better, but everything here is a good option, not only for first dates but for all dates
Back at Home
A date that takes place at home always goes well, if you can make it happen. My preferred first date of choice is inviting a girl over to watch a scary movie. Make some popcorn, grab a blanket, cuddle up, watch the movie, and hook-up. It’s a pretty well established formula. This date typically works best if the girl is making interest overly obvious. This isn’t going to work for a blind date and isn’t going to work for a girl you just met and the first date will be your first official hangout. If a girl says “yes” to coming over your place, it should be a successful night.
Tip: If you have a pool or a hot tub you can always throw those aspects in at some point in the evening if it’s going well. Jump to the special section of dates at home in this article for more tips and date ideas. If you manage the back at home date or first date, crucial ideas will be found there.
Touch Meter: 5/5, there’s nothing better than cuddling up and making out
If it’s the weekend and a friend is having a huge bash you can always bring a girl with you after grabbing something for dinner. This option is obviously for the younger high school/college crowd but it’s an easy way to initiate touching, especially if you’re both drinking.
Tip: If you’re at a party with friends it’s an easy way to show that you’re the leader of the pack. Women are attracted to guys that lead so if you’re at the top of your clique this is a great option. Odds are other girls in your group will be there as well and can help with the appearance of “pre-selection”
Touch Meter: 5/5 Ending up at a party where you can partner up with a girl in a game like beer pong creates a ton of touching opportunities, especially if you’re playing well. If you drink, brushing up on some popular drinking games can be a positive endeavor. Women often watch even these simplest of games and winning looks a lot better than losing.
Bowling offers the same advantages of pool. You get your own lane and you get to move at your own pace. There’s plenty of time to touch walking around or sitting next to each other. There’s also food so you can buy some snacks and take a break from bowling mid-game or before starting another for a change of pace. Bowling is my favorite first date idea. The privacy of your own lane creates almost a bubble with just you and your date. I explain in the tips section how to initiate touching, and this is one of the best dates to implement that advice.
Touch Meter: 5/5
Amusement parks, carnivals, and fairs offer a variety of advantages on a date. You can hold hands when walking around and while on rides. You can also play games to win prizes. It’s one of the best options for a first date when you’re younger.
Touch Meter: 5/5 Holding hands and sitting close is a key aspect to these kinds of dates
I’m not talking about a full fledged concert where it costs $100’s to get in. Instead a local concert with a band or a popular DJ playing at a local club is a good way to carry on the night after dinner. Whether you’re drinking or not you can keep talking at the bar and then escalate physically by dancing together. Even if you’re not full out grinding, simple touch next to each other at a low-key concert isn’t too shabby.
Touch Meter: 5/5
There really isn’t a better way to initiate touch on a date. Tons of places offer private lessons for two people who want to learn a new dance like the salsa. This is a pretty expensive option and more leaning towards the older crowd but it’s fun nonetheless, and it’s a great option to keep in mind once you get serious with a girl as well.
Touch Meter: 5/5
Ice skating is one of the top “touch” activities you can do, and while it may seem corny I would make sure you “practice” once by yourself one day at the rink you plan on going to. This isn’t much different than a dancing date because you can hold hands and skate around together. If you’re good at skating or become good at skating it’s great if you have a clumsy woman with you who’s falling all over the place. Then you get to help her and touch more and on top of that you also look good that you have experience. (obviously you don’t tell her you’ve been practicing, it just looks like you know what you’re doing)
Touch Mete: 5/5
This isn’t an option for everyone, but if you live near a beach and the weather’s nice then the beach is a great place for a date. Grabbing ice cream cones, relaxing on the sand, and holding hands together is a fun night. You get to continue the conversations but get to add the touch factor in as well. Many beaches also have volleyball courts and handball courts so there’s other things to do as well. I’ve seen a wide variety of things offered at different beaches so there’s a lot you can do including multiple things in one night. This same principle can also apply to parks and anywhere where you can walk with a view. A boardwalk remains the prime spot though, so a beach is one of the best places.
Touch Meter: 4.5/5
Dave and Busters
Similar to parties this one is for the high school/college crowd. Dave and Busters or any similar gaming place offers a ton of opportunities to both compete against each other as well as partnering up. They have air hockey, racing games, arcade games, dancing games and a ton of other options. A lot of the games involve close contact or sitting next to each other so you can kid around and start touching.
Touch Meter: 4.5/5, sitting next to each other in a partner game is a great time to kid around and touch
Going out and playing a game of pool is a great way to compete and still touch your date and continue talking. Since pool isn’t as popular as mini-golf, make sure your skills are top notch. A girl might actually need some instructions on how to play, and if she doesn’t you can always kid around and pretend she does. You get your own table as well so it’s more intimate than mini-golf
Touch Meter: 4/5
Aside from the disadvantages of mini-golf that I listed above it’s still a fun first date. My main problem with mini-golf is if it’s a busy night you can be rushed and it takes some of the fun out of the night. If you can go on a more empty evening though or luck out with a slow/large party behind you, then it’s one of the best options for a first date.
Touch Meter: 3/5 to 4/5 depending on how many people are there
There an abundance of places now that offer rock climbing indoors or out, but similar to the next suggestion I view this as more of a date once you’re already dating. I understand why this is chosen as a first date and it could work for certain women, but I tend to think it’s more of an independent activity. Granted, the competition aspect if you’re climbing at the same time and hugging after you climb can initiate some touch, so it is viable. I still believe it is definitely something to do for fun once you’re already together. There are outfit requirements that may make food plans and this date a little weird as well.
Go-Karting is a fun activity, especially if it’s an empty night and you’re racing just against your date. The downside to go-karting is that you can’t really touch aside from maybe an arm around the shoulder after you’re finished. Granted if it goes great and she had a lot of fun you can escalate enough on the way out and/or the ride home to end the night with a kiss. It isn’t really a long event either, you’d probably need to have something else planned. This is more of an activity to do after you’re already dating, but I figured I’d include it for reference.
Touch Meter: 2/5
I’m including this because it can be a fun date, like a few of the other low “touch meter” dates, I’d only suggest this for dates down the line and not a first date. I’m here to give as many ideas as possible for first dates, but also regular dates in general as well. It can be fun and if she stinks it can be funny to roast her and to also show her what to do, but note this is a relatively fast date and there isn’t a lot of contact between you both. Plus there is actual skill involved. I’d be cautious with this one but for the right people and after time this could work.
Touch Meter: 1/5
First dates can make or break a potential relationship. Just like the first interaction when meeting a woman determines if you get a date, a first date determines if you’re a viable choice as a boyfriend. This guide of first date tips should get you to a second date and relationship in no time. While this may seem like a high pressure situation, it’s important to stay relaxed, if one first date doesn’t go well another one will. Let’s get started with the dating basics and some tips.
Dinner or Lunch Date
The first stop on any date is the food, drink, or dessert place where you agreed to meet up with your date. In some cases a second part of the date might not even be an option, so this mini-date might be the entire date in and of itself. If the food portion of the date is all you have make sure at some point you are at least high-fiving, hugging, or initiating contact in some way. Even if the conversation goes great, a food/drink/dessert date often fizzles because of the lack of any touch. If you’re going out after the eating part of your date, then no worries, touching will happen there.
Unfortunately many women will only agree to something minor for a first date. The goal then on this mini-date of sorts, is to get her comfortable to the point you can start communicating more often and have a more appropriate afternoon date. It’s on that afternoon date where everything can take a traditional turn.
Assuming food, drinks, and dessert aren’t the main and only part of the date, the next part of the date will be the best way to initiate touch. Here are common ways to initiate touching comfortably on the first date that will lead to a kiss sooner than later:
- Hand holding
- Arm around shoulder
- Hand/arm around waist
- High five
There are also somewhat more aggressive touching methods you could use:
- Massage: Rubbing a girls shoulders and arms and whispering in her ear while having your lips close to her face can be a great way to initiate a make-out. Kissing her neck in the process is also a great way to turn a woman on as well, it’s a bold move but it works more times than not
- Spanking: More of a playful spank or a “good job” spank on some of the dates listed in “first date ideas” when the girl hits a good shot.
- Picking the girl up: I personally do this after a girl slaps me, she’s initiated the touch so I play around right back and throw her over my shoulder or scoop her up as “punishment” for smacking me. I have a pool that I often joke around I’ll throw a girl in, 99% of the time they crack up, and I can ask for a kiss in return for not throwing her in
I wouldn’t recommend these methods for guys just starting out in the dating game. Guys who are naturally very “touchy-feely” get away with it because it’s not awkward, it’s expected. They’re used to going over the top. Guys who want to get serious and are new to things should stick to the “safe” methods I listed first. Don’t be afraid to experiment with different methods of escalation, practice makes perfect.
First Date Tips List
- The pre-date, as in everything done prior to actually meeting up with the woman, is the only part of a date that should resemble an interview. Looking presentable and clean, as well as showing up on time helps make a good impression.
- Don’t go on your phone during the date, it’s not only rude but it invites your date to do the same. If you’re both somewhere else other than the date mentally there’s really no point to be out. Even a CEO can take a break from his phone for an hour.
- It’s not a big deal to pay. If you go out on a coffee date or ice-cream date you’ll be ordering separately and be getting different bills anyway so there’s no worry about payment on one of these kinds of dates. If you go out to dinner and have a plan for the night then the guy should be paying unless agreed upon differently beforehand. Men worry too much about buying the dinner thinking he’s “wasting money” when no date is really a “wasted” experience for a few reasons:
1. How the night goes is basically on you, if you’re worried about “wasting money” then it should be a good motivation to get your social skills and physical escalation skills in line so the money isn’t “wasted” at all. If you can attract a woman things will go well.
2. A learning experience is never a waste. If things don’t progress with a woman it’s always fair to ask what exactly went wrong. Assuming not having similar interests was the problem that’s ok. If the woman says she just wasn’t feeling “it” then you need to brush up on attracting women.
3. Having a good time isn’t wasted money. Who cares if things don’t progress with the woman? Have a fun night regardless, you could end up with a friend who can set you up with other hot friends. Always have fun on a night out, money isn’t wasted if you had fun.
4. Money is never wasted. This is the big one. Let’s say you’re dating a woman for three years and money is spent on gifts and dinner. If you break-up is all of that money wasted? It definitely was not, you had three years of fun and good experiences. Just because something doesn’t end perfectly doesn’t mean it was a waste. Nothing in life is a waste, whether it’s money or time, everything is something to learn from. If you believe in this “wasted” mentality you’ll always be an emotional mess instead of realizing the value of life lessons and good times. As long as you’re doing what you want to do you will never be wasting anything, remember that and life will feel a lot more fulfilling.
- Sometimes there isn’t a lesson to be had from a date. It’s still not a wasted night if you had a good time. People just won’t hit it off from time to time and it probably doesn’t have anything to do with you at all. Two people have a certain vibe and no matter how good a guy’s game is sometimes that vibe just isn’t there. It happens to guys with the highest success rates in the world, the “it” factor might not be there and that’s OK. It’s better off to be with a woman who does have that vibe with you anyway.
- If the woman doesn’t end the night with a kiss it’s not a big deal. Even if you do everything “right” there’s still no guarantee for a kiss. Occasionally a woman has a value system where she doesn’t believe in kissing on the first date. It’s possible she could be so steadfast in that belief that even if she is feeling extremely aroused she’ll shut that feeling down and avoid a kiss. If a woman pulls away from a first date kiss and gives that belief as the reason, that’s ok. Don’t force anything, feel letdown, or appear discouraged to her. Most of the time that’s a true statement and not just an excuse. If a woman stops a kiss on a first date but agrees to a second date that’s a good sign and most likely she was in-fact telling the truth about her “no-kiss on the first date” policy.
- Spontaneity is a good way to show off your adventurous side. If you’re with a woman and want to deviate from the plan don’t be afraid to change things up. By all means head to your planned destination, but taking a detour never hurt anyone. If you pass something wild on the way that looks interesting or fun, bring up to your date if you’d like to stop there first. Even if you see someone walking
When on a date with a woman the conversation should always be stimulating. Whether it’s while you’re eating together or on to the activity part of the evening, you should always be engaged and interesting. Guys are always afraid they won’t know what to talk about on a first date or even when they’re dating in general. It will help ease anxiousness about what to talk about if a guy has some things in mind prior to the date. Similar to setting up the date, when things are already planned there’s nothing to be nervous about. Having these conversation topics and questions in the back of your mind can help if you ever get stumped.
What to Talk About on a First Date
Siblings, parents, close relationships, general family info. Occasionally women might have some crazy stories on family details, especially if there’s an odd situation, just remain engaged and non-judgmental if this happens on a date. Odds are if she’s revealing that kind of information she’s feeling comfortable.
What does she do for a living? What was it that drew her into that career path? Why does she enjoy it? (if she does enjoy it)
Where is she going to school? What is she going for? If she has a degree, what got her interested in that field or those fields? If the degree is advanced how were the courses?
What does she plan on doing with her degree and/or career? Does she have any promotions in her sights at the moment?
What she wants from a partner
Except don’t ask this as a way to giggle and say “oh sounds like me!”, it’s only said so she returns the question and you can show you have standards, just be receptive and interested when she’s speaking. This isn’t going to be a long winded question or answer. Be prepared for it to be returned to you. Most of the time women are going to give the same answer, all women will give you some kind of combination of funny, smart, goal oriented etc…You’ll probably get so accustomed to hearing these answers you’ll need to refrain from laughing.
This is about what she does for fun by herself and with friends. This is where the real meat and potatoes comes in during the conversations. Everything else is more obligatory conversation to find out information, someone’s hobbies and what they do for fun is what they’re really passionate about. Hobbies and interests are the real telltale sign if you’re going to work out as a couple. If you both love a certain genre of movies, music, tv etc…then you’re off to a great start. If you both like gaming or a particular sport then things are also looking up.
Typically the above topics can drive a worthwhile conversation going back and forth on both of your families, careers, educations etc..for quite awhile. Between all of them, it should be enough to get through an entire date and even entire evening. Factoring in organic conversations than can spin-off of these topics, it’s a safe bet you’ll have a lot to discuss.
Conversation Topics to Avoid
Now there are also some topics that “dating experts” always suggest avoiding:
But what are you to do if these things are important to you? It’s best to discuss issues you find really important before the first date if possible. Some guys may be ultra-religious so it’s best to date a girl who has that same value set from the get go. Same with having a very staunch political belief.
Another taboo discussion is the “exes” talk. Again, many “dating experts” say this topic should be avoided. It should be, BUT somewhere down the line (if not the first date) it’s good to find out what happened with an ex. If someone experienced a recent breakup or they’re overly upset over an ex it could be good to know. You don’t want to invest serious feelings in someone who’s still attached. This conversation, typically started by “how long have you been single?” It can also reveal if a woman’s been married before or if she has children. These can be deal breakers for many men.
Like religion and politics, the exes conversation is better to have prior to the first date if there’s a deal breaker involved for you. These things shouldn’t determine a connection, but many men believe they do, find out prior to the date or at a later time if that’s how you feel. If it comes up on a first date by a woman who breaks conversation norms, just explain these aren’t first date topics and you’d rather know her before her beliefs. There’s no reason to have a date go downhill over a disagreement. Continue the night, learn from the experience, and decide what to do at a later time, instead of during the heat of the moment.
Even if you accidentally bring one of these topics up because too much wine was flowing or it slips out, don’t get angry! When something comes up that can be a deal breaker, remain calm and keep your composure. You’re not going to love everyone you date, but it’s best to not just get up and leave. You don’t want to be known as a guy who bails on dates. It’s much more socially acceptable to just text the next day or just explain how you felt if you don’t want to contact her and she tries to talk to you again. Running out isn’t a good look.
What if I Run Out of Things to Talk About?
Since men typically have a pre-sorted list of topics like I have in this article, they worry about what happens if those conversations have exhausted themselves. While it is a rarity to run out of things to talk about or going blank and forget everything because of nerves is a possibility. The absolute best thing to get out of a pickle is discussing everything around you.
If you’re out at a restaurant there will be a ton of other people too, discussing something you see or sharing a laugh is an organic way to talk to a woman. Typically these are how conversations unfold once you’re already going out, you have a laugh at the guy at the table across the way who’s dropping food all over the floor. Random discussions are the most natural discussions so don’t be afraid to veer off strict talking points. This is meant to be fun, not hire a new employee.
What to Talk About On a Second Date and Beyond
Once you’re on to another date or become steady with a woman conversations naturally begin to flow more easily. Now you’ll be discussing what is currently going on in each of your lives. Here are some of those subjects:
- Family updates
- Friendship updates
- Any conflicts going on in your lives, whether they be with family, friends, or at work. Conflicts and drama are huge talking points for women. Women can carry a conversation based a single conflict with someone they’re fighting with or someone they know is fighting with for the entirety of a meal or even a night. Drama drives women, they want to know your drama and give opinions on it, and they want to vent about the drama they know about. Conflicts and drama will always leave you with somethings to talk about
- Projects you’re both working on at school or work
- Fun things you’d like to do soon together or have planned individually
Finally, like I said before, conversations are typically organic about things that are around you when you’re out with a woman. As you get more comfortable with each other tips won’t be needed anymore, you’ll both feel comfortable enough to discuss anything and everything. Each and every date is a learning experience that can also spark and teach you about potential new conversation topics as well. Use these experiences and conversations to become more confident with talking on a date by knowing what to talk about.
First Dates at Home
When getting serious with a woman more time will be spent at home. Married couples and dating couples can always use more ideas for activities at home. For my teenage/college aged readers, sex might not always be a possibility when still living at home as well. For guys who have their own place, there should be more to do than just sex or hooking-up when hanging out. Bonding at home can help strengthen a current or future relationship and these ideas should help out when sex isn’t an option. Plus, sex isn’t a 12 hour activity (usually) and if you’re spending the entire day with a woman, you both shouldn’t be bored before/after sex.
5. Movies/TV Shows
This is the obvious go-to choice for an activity to do at home. Relaxing and making some popcorn or having some chips and salsa while watching a funny, scary, or adventurous movie is the traditional thing to do at home with a woman. Cuddling makes a woman feel safe, and when just starting out this is a powerful emotion. You’re touching her and she’s feeling comforted, it’s a win-win for everyone.
4. Board Games
Board games are a great way to pass the time and have fun as well. There’s an abundance of options like Monopoly, Scattergories, Scrabble etc…If you’re younger and live at home with relatives, it’s a great way to incorporate your girlfriend and family in a joint activity.
3. Athletic/Outdoor Activities
Heading outside is a great way to move around a little bit and have some fun as well. Tossing around a football or shooting around a basketball (playing a game of h-o-r-s-e) is fun to do with a woman. Sure those seem like activities to do with your friends, but playing around with your girlfriend is a lot more fun and playful. Taking a swim together, if you have a pool, is another great activity to do at home on a nice day.
2. Video Games
Gaming with women is one of my favorite things to do at home. Playing around in Wii Sports, racing around in Mario Kart, and teaming up in Resident Evil are some of my go-to choices. The great thing about video gaming is there are competitive options and cooperative options to mix up the experiences. Every year more and more games focus on the multiplayer dynamic, so gaming with a woman becomes a fun activity.
It might come as a surprise to say this but a vast majority of women do like gaming. The misconception of “female gamers” applys to girls who play online games to the same extent that guys do. Obviously that is more of a rarity, but playing a zombie game or a sports game isn’t something most women will have an issue with.
When I say cooking and baking I don’t mean your girlfriend sits around and you wear an apron cooking her dinner. I think joint activities are important for relationship building and cooking/baking together is one of those activities. It can create a joint feeling of accomplishment when you can eat and enjoy a meal together that you also cooked together. Baking some brownies or cookies that can be had for dessert while doing any of the other activities on the list is also a fun option.
On top of it being an important bonding experience, cooking is also a test. If you make something beyond pasta and rice it could be difficult, cooking advanced recipes is no easy task. Working out a problem with something as minor as a meal is a good way to gauge and practice communication. It’s also good to find out if you’re having communication problems as well, if you can’t cook together and communicate that could spell problems for bigger issues. It’s a good way to practice communication skills so that doesn’t happen down the line in a more serious situation.
Extra Tips for Home Based First Dates:
Hot Tub: If you have a hot tub it’s also a nice relaxing activity to do with a girl. You can take turns massaging each other, relaxing both of you and escalating sexual tension at the same time.
Make Everything Playful: If you’re playing a competitive game, introduce a bet. Don’t take fun activities too seriously.
Keep it Touchy: If you’re just starting out especially, whatever activity you’re doing, make sure you’re touching. If you’re playing a sport (virtual or otherwise) spanking and play touching can ramp up sexual tension, plus it’s fun. Sexual tension+a good time=a winning formula. If you’re watching a movie, stay rubbing her arms or legs, being stagnant and all about the movie is boring. New relationships involve fiery physical intimacy, there’s no reason to not stoke those flames and get a woman aroused
When getting serious with a woman more time will be spent at your place. Married couples and dating couples can always use more ideas for activities at home. For my teenage/college aged readers, sex might not always be a possibility when still living at home as well. For guys who have their own place, there should be more to do than just sex or hooking-up when hanging out. Bonding at home can help strengthen a current or future relationship. These ideas should help out when sex isn’t an option. Plus, sex isn’t a 12 hour activity (usually) and when spending the entire day with a woman, it shouldn’t be boring before/after sex.