Getting put into the friendzone is a dreaded fear for many men. Understanding why men become “just friends” is the best way to make sure it doesn’t happen to you. If you’re currently in the friendzone, this article will explain why, so it doesn’t happen again in the future. I will also explain the main way to get out of the friendzone later on as well. This article will be for a comprehensive understanding of the friendzone for guys. I wouldn’t be surprised if every man at some point experiences the friend zone in one way or another. Some guys get out of it, some are stuck in it forever, and some stay hoping things will change with a girl whos friendzoned them. Whatever your situation is, this article will help you understand it, avoid it, and hopefully get out of it as well.
Why Guys Get Friendzoned
Putting All of Your Eggs in One Basket
When this happens, everyone except the guy who’s “in love” see’s what’s going on. Everything becomes about this one women, she just has to be the one. Other women get ignored and the guy will do just about anything for her to win her over. When men devote themselves to one woman they lose all hope of getting that woman. Why would a woman want a man she technically already has? There’s no fear of other women, and no jealousy at all. Jealousy is one of the most useful tools in getting a woman. With every drop of attention on one girl, the possibility of jealousy is gone.
Women want what other women want. Women want to win. What’s the point in going for a product you already own? If a guy has a video game (assuming it doesn’t break) he’s not going to buy the same exact copy, with no extra features, just to have a spare. That’s exactly what happens when men devote themselves to one woman, she has the guy so it’s over.
If men were trophies to women, then guys in the friendzone are an old trophy sitting on a shelf and collecting dust. You want to be the shiniest trophy, the one she wants to show in the front of her collection, the one she has in it’s own display case even. You don’t want to be a consolation prize she keeps in a box out of view. That’s the best way to describe how women view men.
The Physical Barrier Becomes a Force Field
When meeting a woman there is a limited amount of time to break down the touch barrier. There’s no speed that is right or wrong, and it doesn’t mean you need to have sex on night one. Even some basic play touching could be enough for a few weeks, but there has to be something. Men who get friendzoned do nothing at all. They don’t even graze the girl when she passes. Again, a guy doesn’t always need to be overly aggressive, but guys who get friendzoned don’t do anything.
Eventually, a woman will become so used to just talking and not having that physical aspect between her and the guy, it will become habitual. A habit becomes hard to break, and once the physical aspect is lost it’s extremely difficult (not impossible or improbable) to initiate it at a later date. The woman will be very confused and it’ll be extremely awkward when the guy waited so long.
Don’t Insult Other Guys
Women will always have multiple men and will typically bash them to each other to see how they respond. When a woman brings up another guy don’t indulge in joining the bashfest. I think this is an extremely common thing women do, I see it all the time. They’ll ask for opinions and advice on a guy, and guess what? The more you insult them, they better they look. You’re getting emotionally invested in a man at this point. Read that again, by insulting another guy it’s the equivalent of getting emotionally invested in them.
A huge mistake when it comes to bashing other guys, is when the guy on the verge of the friendzone starts bringing up other guys, just to bash them. This happens. Men will randomly start bashing other potential suitors of a girl. Don’t ever bring up other guys, and don’t ever engage in bashing other guys. You don’t care about other guys, and you don’t care what she does with other guys, she’s not your property. Acting like a friend or pseudo-boyfriend will certainly lead to the friendzone.
Alpha males shouldn’t be engaging in gossip like girls do on group trips to the bathroom. “He’s such a jerk!” The second a guy starts saying things like that he’s lost with a woman. Sometimes men friendzone themselves by starting to act like strictly friends this way. If you don’t want to be in the friendzone, then don’t act like a friend. Indulging in boyfriend or guy advice is a friend thing to do. Boyfriends don’t make recommendations or give opinions on other guys. Boyfriends laugh at the guys giving attention to their girlfriend as she’s sleeping with him.
I never insult a guy a girl is with. I also never discuss guys. Most importantly I do not bring up guys I know the girls I am with are interested in just so I can insult them. If I’m bringing guys up that means I’m worried about them, intimidated by them. Why should I be? Insulting other men is an instant boost to them in a woman’s eyes. Don’t be that guy worried about another guy, other men don’t matter, you are the prize.
Giving Away too Much
Like I said in the beginning of this article, some men will do anything and everything for a girl they like. Here are two of the biggest mistakes men make that get them friendzoned:
1. Gift Giving
Why should a woman, who a guy is having no physical intimacy with, receive a gift? What did she do to deserve that gift? A woman’s looks don’t warrant a gift. The only time a woman should get a gift is after you’re exclusively dating. Maybe, just maybe, a guy could bring a flower when he’s picking up a girl for a first date. A little reward if she’s been ultra-interested prior to a date is fine, but I’m saying she better be telling you she’s been excited all day to see you to earn a first date gift. Being strictly a buddy or a female presence never warrants a gift.
2. Compliment Parade
There is no reason to tell a woman how great she is when she has done nothing to deserve it. Do women randomly tell guys “hey you’re hot” just so they feel good? Imagine for a second that did happen. Would there be any doubt that the girl likes the guy? Giving out free ego-boosts and showing interest right away is a major mistake. Telling a woman how great she is, is the signal that she owns you and that you like her, a lot. It’s like showing your hand at a poker table and then trying to bluff when everyone’s looking at your cards. It’s not going to work.
Never give away anything for free, always have something before giving something. Women aren’t charity organizations. Compliments and gifts should be earned, and earned in a big way. A woman saying “hello” doesn’t qualify as a reason to buy her gifts and tell her how she’s the most gorgeous woman on earth. Gifts should also be given to show appreciation. If a woman made you dinner for a week after you broke your leg, then yeah, she definitely deserves a gift. That’s the kind of effort that warrants a gift.
Requiring an initial investment before returning the favor is always the best idea. There are times when women with boyfriends get gifts from men in the friendzone. This should be repeated: men buy gifts for women, who are sleeping with somebody else. Let that sink in for a second. There is no reason that should be happening.
Men are typically looking for a physical relationship and women are typically looking for love and support. In order for a man to give that love and support, he should be getting that physical relationship in return. If a woman is getting love and support from any number of men, without needing to get intimate with them, all the better for her. Don’t give a woman all that she wants without her giving you any benefits in return.
I have seen men spend tons of money and waste years of time on girls who barely hug them to say hello. The women are spending night after night with different men or a boyfriend and are enjoying free gifts simply for leading a guy on or because the guy thinks he will win her over this way. It’s never going to work. Women have no remorse. They will suck you dry if you allow them to. Guess what? You’d deserve it. That might sound harsh and it is, but that’s the only way to learn. If you don’t want to be taken advantage of, don’t let anyone, because everyone will try and it’s your job to make sure it doesn’t happen.
The real key to not being friendzoned is to have self-respect. When you have respect for yourself. you won’t invest in anything that won’t be returned. If you want to be with a woman beyond friendship, then don’t act like just a friend, it’s as simple as that . Guys who get friendzoned typically have the “nice guy” problem which I discuss as well on an article here.
How to Get Out of the Friend Zone
If you’re currently in the friendzone, then undoubtedly you want to know how to escalate things into a relationship. This process would require another article, and mini-book in it’s own right, to have a specific “step-by-step.” BUT I can offer something even better here by giving a brief explanation. This is the process to healing yourself and moving forward and hopefully not worrying about the girl who friendzoned you anymore. This journey will help you big time.
In order to get out of the friendzone it involves a great improvement in social skills, a major shift in overall self-improvement, and often the involvement of “jealousy” or other women. There’s nothing more motivating to women than other women. Like I mentioned, odds are you have no other women at this point, you’ve invested everything into one girl. The interesting thing about the entire process to get out of the friendzone is, many men are so much more improved that they lose interest in the girl that friendzoned them. It’s also even possible that original girl may come crawling back, realizing how badly she “messed up”, with minimal effort on your part. Of course, that isn’t guaranteed or even any more than a 50/50 chance. This process should really be about you, and not any particular woman.
Essentially, the best way to get out of the friendzone, never get into the friendzone, or to improve with women overall is to enhance yourself. Social skills, body language, eating habits, workout regimen, work ethic, mindsets, meditating etc…There is a lot a man can do for self-improvement. Building yourself up will allow confidence to flow naturally. Confidence, self-respect (and self-love), as well as being centered mentally and physically are at the core of success. Not success with women, just success. When everything is going well, women tend to just appear, women can sense when a man is centered and confident. They will naturally flock to him.
The best way then, to get out of the friendzone? Self-improvement. The idea of the “friend zone” needs to be removed from your mind, it’s just a word that is meaningless to a man who knows himself and knows what he’s looking for. Self-improvement provides a happiness that nothing and no one can ever void. For that reason, be motivated to improve yourself. Being friendzoned is a blessing in disguise if it helps you to become the man you were meant to be.
There’s obviously a caveat to this. Yes you need to improve and yes you need to work hard. Don’t doubt for a second though if a girl friendzoned you and you buy a ferrari the next day that she’ll love you all of a sudden. Is that the kind of person you want? Probably not. The best thing is to improve yourself and let women fall in love with you when you’ve become a full version of yourself. If you keep getting friendzoned there’s a good chance that hasn’t happened yet. Even some self-improvement might help you as well. Go for being the best man you can be and your friendzone “problems” will be in the past.
I haven’t updated this piece since I posted it almost a year ago, but as a major resource for men trying to find information about the friendzone I feel compelled to update it with recent findings and more information. I have recently started looking at the own group in regards to the friendzone and how it has been manipulated through a decade of ups and downs and varying members. The group at one point was having steady parties of 50+ people, easily. Needless to say this is a huge sample size over many years. The common denominator has been very simple: the idea of loss has always been the most powerful motivator for the women.
When the women were faced with the risk of losing one of the guys value/status and/or the group in general, they all of a sudden developed feelings. Mind you, the “loss” was never done as a threat, but rather frustration on the part of the guys. Eventually the guys would break and no longer provided the women with the attention or resources they wanted from them. I’m not saying this will always work, honestly it’s 50/50, but it did yield some success. Similarly even time/situation could yield the same success, you wind up out one night dancing and grinding and “oops” you just kissed. You’ll be off to the races then.
Here’s the main lesson I want to share in this update, women want men for what they provide, if they can get it without sleeping with a guy, that’s a jackpot to her. That’s what the friend zone is, it’s a guy providing his assets (popularity, money, attention etc…) FOR FREE. In this way she has her cake and eats it too. I know this semi-reiterates points in the article but it’s crucial to understanding the friend zone and I can’t be any more blunt than this. Women love what men provide, in a way they almost cannot exist without men. Things are changing but there are no doubt still genetic/biological needs for a woman from a man.
Obviously you should never give your worth to anyone that does not deserve it or is not benefiting you in some way. Make your time and presence something that all people desire and freely give it to those you want to. Just don’t be taken advantage of. I have made a point that while being very by the book scientifically I disagree with many opinions, mainly the stupid ones. One of those is to sleep with all your female friends, that’s a popular idea in many male advice arena’s but I do not share that philosophy.
I believe as long as there are benefits (of which there can be many) then share your value with who you wish. The main point is to not stay friends with a woman just for her benefits if you actually want her too and she disrespects you. Don’t share your worth with those who disrespect or use you. That mindset alone will benefit you with both men and women and feeling that sentiment fully will immediately improve your life outlook and attitude. You have things to provide, and if you don’t have much then work hard for them. Once you attain value in many forms share it with those who have equal love and respect for you.