What to do When a Girl Flakes & Why Girls Flake

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I decided to write an article about flakey girls after reading the generally accepted advice given to guys who get flaked on. My ideas about girls who flake are a bit different than typically described by other dating experts or PUAs. Because it breaks the norm, men are less receptive to it. I personally believe all women remain viable options for a period of time, even if they’ve flaked. Flakes can become a girlfriend or a sexual partner, tossing a potential option away isn’t something I think needs to be done immediately. Some (many) experts believe a second chance for a flake is a cardinal sin of dating, but that definitely shouldn’t be considered the only ideology. If you want to give a flake another chance or want to know how to handle a flake, then this article will help. Hopefully this will re-shape how you think about girls that flake on you, as well as realizing the importance of your social perception. Despite the seemingly popular opinion, it is not a bad thing to give a flakey girl a second chance, and there should be content available for men who do want to give a girl another chance at a date.

Why Women Flake

Very briefly there are many reasons that women flake. There are a few chief reasons among them, being a test, legitimate plan change, anxiety or disinterest.

Test: Women want to know you can handle a usually frustrating situation with ease. They want to know you’re a man who could care less what she does. That you have so much stuff going on that a girl who flakes is the least of your problems. Aside from seeing if you can compose yourself, women also test guys by flaking and going out with her friends instead. Some guys might take this personally, but they shouldn’t. Hot girls are all about their friends, and (they pretend) men come second. If a guy can’t handle her going out and about at the beginning he sure won’t be able to do it when he’s attached down the line. This is a common test, if a guy’s getting insecure about her going out now, he certainly will down the road. That’s why playing it cool is essential. Women don’t want guys who are going to tie them down or control them because of insecurity.

Legitimate Plans: A majority of times I’ve personally been flaked on, have been by girls who really had something come up. If you have plans for Friday night during the summer, and during the day a girl’s family decides to throw a huge barbecue for the entire family, she might have/want to stay at home for the evening instead and be with her family. Since you’re just starting out she shouldn’t be expected to invite you to a big family event, without even having a couple of dates yet. This is the primary reason I think running away from a flake is a big mistake, a girl may be interested and just had new plans come up that she’d be unable to avoid. Sure, you had plans and it’s definitely rude that she bailed on you, but there’s no real reason to take a legitimate flaking personally.

Here’s a hypothetical to further explain the above scenario: The girl bails on you for this family barbecue. What you don’t know is she just graduated with a Master’s degree, that her parents paid for in full, including her prior Bachelor’s degree. They’ve supported her and tossed $300,000 on her education. This girl may really, really like you, she might be distraught to bail on you, but after he family just put the cost of the average house on her education she feels obligated to have a night with her family. Isn’t it ridiculously silly to take that situation personally and potentially flip out or toss an option away over something understandable? Rational people may be saying “of course” right now, but there are dating experts and people who believe flaking is unforgivable. I don’t believe that to be the case.

Anxiety: Men often get the jitters before a first date, why then, is it so hard to believe that women can become so jittery they bail at the last second? Women are a lot more emotional than men, so being overcome with nervousness shouldn’t be surprising for anyone familiar with how women work. It’s possible a woman wants to become more comfortable through conversations or low-pressure situations before heading out on a “hot and heavy” first date. This is especially true when a man can be intimidating. Sure the intimidating nature might draw the woman in, but many women like to know you’re willing to invest emotionally as well, before going on a date.

Disinterest: Instead of telling you straight up she’s not interested, she’ll keep bailing on you until you take the hint. Somehow, flakes think it’s less damaging to accept dates and then bail on them, instead of denying the guy in the first place. That’s not the right way to go about things, but unfortunately, women do it. This is the reason why “the experts” are so keen on hating flakes, they think all women who flake fall under this category. Many may fall under this category, possibly even a majority may be genuinely disinterested. There’s really no way to know unless she says it directly. To assume it is disinterest is too pessimistic.

Other Reasons: Based on personal experiences and both male and female friend experiences, those are the main reasons I have noticed that women flake. Of course this isn’t a full list, there is way too many options that could be going on. Something as simple as a girl likes playing games or got back with her boyfriend can happen as well. The point is to not always take it personally and realize there are legitimate and excusable reasons that a woman may flake early on in the dating process.

The Key is Being Persistent

And there it is, the line that sends some guys into a frenzy. Now you could be baffled at why I’m saying this. That seems to be the trend when I say to be persistent. Most guys, dating experts, and PUAs tell men to run for the hills, to put the ball in the girls court, or even worse give ultimatums. None of these things are the actions of an alpha male. What it means to be persistent is to try again with the girl. Don’t be discouraged if she flakes, it’s a common occurrence. The method at the end of this article will clarify what persistence really means when it comes to girls who flake. I will say in advance it doesn’t mean to become overbearing and creepily relentless. Persistence is mainly about keeping a girl you may connect with around because she could have had an excusable reason to flake. Even if 99.9% of flakes are disinterested, it’s not a requirement to run away immediately. Persistence is not the same as neediness, there’s nothing to lose in gaming your flakes.

The Problem with Giving Up

The issue with running away or putting the ball in her court is that you’re going to lose her as an option. Losing her shouldn’t matter, but why not retain as many options as possible? Many hot girls flake, that’s how it is, and if you run every time a girl flakes, you’ll be missing out on very attractive partners based on anger and a wounded ego. The way you handle a flake is something that could potentially harm your social perception and it’s also possible to overcome an initial flake as well. There’s too much going on to just go forget it when experimenting and being a little persistent should be encouraged. Here’s a horrible suggestion I’ve seen on how to handle a flake: “Tell her you’re giving her another chance and if not you’re done with her” Since when is it a thing for alpha males to threaten women? That’s the last kind of person who should be giving dating advice, it’s not going to work and you sound like a major crybaby that she bounced on your date. Ultimatums are never a good look for a guy, any suggestion of “do this or this will happen” is scary, don’t go there. Ultimatums should be reserved for a serious situation, not because a girl had something to do or decided to pass on a date.

Like I previously said, I don’t see a problem with gaming your flakes. The ultimate goal is to not have women flaking on you, but if it happens every so often, especially if it is legitimate, what’s the harm in having another woman in the stables? The more women you have as options creates a natural abundance mentality. What if you’re lifting and working on yourself and one week a flake was disinterested, but the next you’ve gotten an extra centimeter of gains and that put her over the top with you? You don’t know what will specifically attract a woman, and a minor improvement can change the game with a girl who flaked. Having another girl in the rotation never hurt anyone. It’s like having a bullpen in baseball and all of your relievers get injured, should you risk injury to all of your starters because the other relievers are less reliable? The best part about this is that it’s FUN. If a girl flakes you then start to pull back so you’re naturally going to have better game with her. When you’re investing less in someone they notice, to be fair, a girl flaking can instill a mindset you should have all along DON’T BE SERIOUS. Major investing and giving away all of your power too soon is a top cause for flaking and oddly enough when a girl flakes it gives you a good chance to take your power back, and if it doesn’t work out, you most certainly won’t give all your power away again that fast in the future.

What To Do if a Girl Flakes (If You Give Her a Another Chance)

Step 1: Now with the background out of the way, here’s the actual method to handle a flake (with an example) Let’s say you meet a woman and make plans with her for Friday. For some reason or another she bails on these plans last minute. You’re obviously pissed off internally but that shouldn’t be brought outward or onto her. She gives you some excuse before your planned date, earlier on Friday afternoon, that her girlfriends invited her to the club and she can’t ditch them. In return you’re going to respond back with something like “alright no big deal, have a good time I’ll see you another night.” The reason behind this response (instead of flipping out) is that it can ruin how people perceive you. Women talk, and becoming an obsessive guy who went crazy over a flake is going to get around. By handling it like you don’t care, you’re showing this woman that she isn’t the only thing you have. You have so many options that you’re going out with your friends or meeting up with a different girl. Pretend for a second, you legitimately do have an equally hot (or hotter) woman to invite over that night. Do you care then, at all, that this other girl bailed on you? Odds are you may be a little salty but by the end of the night you won’t even remember. Therein lies the problem with running away or giving ultimatums. A man with options would never do those things. If you want any chance with this girl it needs to be handled like a man and not like it meant the world and you were devastated that she flaked. Nope, you found something better to do.

Step 2: Sticking with this “Friday night” example, you’d text her the next day or on Sunday asking how her night went. As though nothing happened, you had such a good time it was a blessing she flaked on you. She’ll tell you how her night went and in return, since she’ll probably ask, you had a great night too. Your friend ended up having a huge party at his house and some girl almost puked on you, or you won a bunch of beer pong games with one of your boys and everyone was having a great time. Enter some story about how you had a fun time like I just did, but be sure not to brag or make it obvious you’re salty about the flake. The fact she flaked shouldn’t even be apparent, take it with a grain of salt. By doing this you’ve re-established yourself as a guy with a lot of options. She’s going to feel attracted to you that you didn’t care that she flaked. If a girl flakes on you, it was either legitimate or she does it to everyone. Girls who flake without a real reason don’t just do it once, they’re serial flakers, this is how they roll. By using this method you’re setting yourself apart from the group of guys she does this to all the time.

Final Step: Ask her for a hangout again a day or two after the initial flake, something casual. Sometimes girls flake because you offered to take her out on a boat in Venice on night one. Keep it simple and friendly, so things can “just happen” instead of being forced. Being too serious is another popular reason women flake. Now this time she might flake again. It’s possible you have a major flake on your hands or she’s genuinely not interested. Either way, whenever you want to give up (I say 2 flakes at maximum, that’s too much), do it similar to the way you handled the first flake. A little less storytelling if it happens again, but it’s important to stay grounded and let it roll off of you. Flipping out, giving ultimatums, or leaving it in her court is a baby way to handle a flake. Even if you are done with this girl it needs to be handled in the same calm manner as you did originally. By handling it in a way that shows you don’t care, you retain your appearance as an alpha male. This becomes less about her and all about you.

Leaving a flake with the ball in your own court and without being whiny keeps you looking good. There are three possible ways this goes from there: 1. She comes around after the first flake (or a second flake just because she was so baffled how you handled things the first time and wants to test again.) When girls flake, guys go absolutely bonkers. They do what the guys on advice forums suggest, they made it a travesty that she flaked, when in reality IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL. Doing things differently will set you apart. 2. She flakes until you finally cut off contact with her (but not with threats, just become less receptive to her, never bitter.) It’s possible a week or two down the line she’ll see you were really different than other guys. By then she’ll have flaked on ten more guys and she might feel a boost of attraction based on your lack of neediness. If she comes crawling back it’s up to you how to handle it, but it should be game time from then on. If she then flakes again after crawling back, she isn’t even worth any future contact calm or otherwise. Delete her number and move on. 3. Things dissolve and she was nothing more than a flake looking for an ego boost or to have another guy begging for her attention. It’s fine if this happens because at least you didn’t beg or whine, she didn’t get what she wanted. You stayed a man and true to yourself and she missed out. Sooner or later she’ll probably realize that too.

The Impact on Social Perception

It’s possible you run into girls who flake again or a friend of hers down the line and because of how you handled the particular flaking, you left this girl with absolutely no ammo. NEVER give a woman a reason to tarnish your reputation or question your manhood. Giving ultimatums or giving her a “last chance” or berating her, gives her exactly what she wants and can ruin a social perception about you as well. If you meet a flakes friend eventually (it’s a small world, it can happen) which would you prefer the original flake say:

1. We talked a few months ago. I ended up being busy when we were gonna go out but he was cool about it and ended up doing his own thing. We lost contact but he was chill when I had stuff to do.

OR

2. We were supposed to go out but I ended up having to go out with my friends/family instead for _______ reason. He started flipping out on me and cursing me out telling me I had to go out with him the next day or it was over. I don’t know why he acted this way, I really had something to do! He wasn’t understanding at all, we weren’t even dating yet!

Clearly option #1 is a lot better look. Handling things without putting too much stock into them doesn’t just apply to flakes, it applies to girls in general. Never worry about what she does, busy men have alternatives and they make it clear through body language and behavior that they aren’t affected by anything a particular woman does. Remember, if you don’t want to give a flake a second chance then don’t, BUT it shouldn’t be a requirement to just drop a girl because she flaked. Sometimes women actually have a real reason for not showing up, imagine that? Giving someone a second or even third chance, as long as it’s done out of fun and learning (not because of the absolute need to be with this girl), then it’s OK. Being persistent and immune to flaking/games is a positive attribute. A girls flaking or games is just an average part of your day, that have no consequence on how great of a night you’re going to have. Games and tests will always be present, it’s how you handle them that matters. Running away or allowing someone to get an emotional rise out of you isn’t the way to handle any situation. Those mindsets will lead to much more success with women and in general.

  • http://gravatar.com/spandaniel Mightyspan

    Why on earth would I give a flake another chance? I don’t have to be salty about it, sure, but there are so many women out there I’m better off pursuing them instead of the flake.

    And if I’m really lucky (provided I still care about being flaked on) the flake will see me with other girls having a great time and my social value will climb exponentially with her such that I will get more attention.

    • Frop

      Because, if your ego isn’t fragile, it costs you nothing but a few seconds of texting to have a second chance.

    • brian

      That’s what he was saying,you don’t have to pursue her because you do have other options but there is no reason to over react to her flaking is the whole point. She will either eventually hang out or she won’t but at least your manhood and reputation stay positive regardless of what she does

  • Snap

    I believe everyone deserves a second chance (if their excuse sounds legit and makes sense.) But, I know personally, as a woman, that if I am truly interested in someone I will make the time and effort to show up to see that person. If I find myself flaking on someone, I know my interest wasn’t that deep to begin with– and the man should move on.

  • King

    Hell naw, look at this nigga. ^^^^ You look like Fat Albert with that bullshit. This article is spot on. The author is speaking on the level of real men, not men “dating” to boost their ego or get over heartbreak.

  • Ihateflakes

    You make really solid points. And results-wise, you’re completely right. However, I have a personal issue that I need to work on and that is my short temper, especially targeted towards bullshit.

    When I give someone my word on hanging out with them, I follow through. I expect anyone with decency to do the same. That is why I get extremely, extremely angered at women when they flake. But I need to change this obviously… great post and I will be exploring your website for sure.

  • John

    Great advice.. I’ve been keeping my options open when women flake, and had opportunities that I wouldn’t have had if I just got angry and shut them off right away. Good to see someone else with the same view!

  • AnonymousAAAAA

    Man, you are too forgiving – many women (be it 20, 25, 30) flake just because they can and give bs reason.

    Ask her – she flakes – reply ‘cool’ – give her two days silence – start chatting for a few days – ask again – she flakes – drop her

    Don’t delete her no, but stop talking to her. It’s not about being alpha – it’s just about her being decent human being.

    You have about 2 weeks window after metting her – if she’s not coming during that time, she’s not worth your time.

  • Kick

    I’ve never been flaked on before this past weekend. We had plans but and when I called to see where I was going to pick her up she said hold on she’d call me back. Never heard anything so the next days I’m chilling with my friends and one asks what’s up with ole girl. I tell him she never called me back and I didn’t want to blow her up and he told me I should at least text her and see what was up. I did and she said we were still going out, once again I asked where I was picking her up from. She said she was at the salon and would call me when she got done. Never called so I took the hint but we work together so I knew I’d have to deal with this face to face this morning. I get to work and she acts like I screwed up not calling her, said she waited for me all night. I’m positive she’s lying but I read this article and the part about it being a test and played it off like shit you said you’d call me and I ain’t gonna blow you up. But now she wants to do lunch next off day we have. Figured I’d try again like the article said though.

    • DailyManliness

      What happened with this? It seems like you played it right not letting it bother you though which was better for you

  • Cool

    Whenever I’m at bars and clubs, girls flake because they would rather hang with a drug abusing loser playing in a hardcore metal band or hang with a talentless DJ iPod who just clicks buttons on his computer.

    • DailyManliness

      And all of these “horrible people” you are describing have options and act that way, it’s as simple as that.

    • “alpha male” hahahahaha

      your bitter and desperate and it shows.

  • Paul

    After a few meetings at a local shop where she worked, I hinted her attraction level was high, thus while I had her write down her number, I instantly asked her out that same day which she immediately agreed. I was about 30 minutes late that evening, took her to 3 different places, had a lovely dinner where she was amazed by my magic tricks and the people being very nice to me (I usually took my dates there, that’s why), and sent her to her friend’s house by 11:30 pm where she had sleep-over plans originally. I saw her friend giggling by the gate while she got off the car, one reason I found it awkward to kiss her.. the date lasted for about 5 hours.

    Texted her the next morning then initiated contact after a week through text. With her “Hiii” and “niceee” replies, I reckon she was excited to hear from me and even enjoyed reading the book I’d lent her. But after 3 exchanges, we went no further. She could be busy from work, I thought. That afternoon I texted her if she could join with me the next day for an exciting trip to the place we talked about during our date. I knew this was a long shot since she’s got work, but I was kind of testing her attraction level. Then I got no reply.

    I texted her the day after that I hadn’t heard from her so I went on but would just make it up to her next time. I just didn’t mention that I proceeded still but with another girl I have been hooking up with for sometime – ’twas the same girl I hooked up hours prior to our first date (sorry, I had to), the reason I was late. ‘Twas the same girl she had mentioned on our date which she once saw with me in my car when I went to the shop.

    I radio-silenced her, I was also busy. After two weeks she texted that she’d already finished reading the book. With a smile I thought, yep that’s the signal! So I called her the next morning and arranged for a definite date. And yes, I made it textbook clear, even jokingly repeated to her the details of the pick-up. She sounded very excited and kept asking me where we were going as I told her to bring her fave head cap and sunglasses. The second date was set for the next 7 days.

    I religiously obeyed the suggested “no text, no call” rule to build up more attraction and excitement, so I thought. Then came the day. I waited at the supposed rendezvous… and you guessed it right, a flake! And to add more injury – a no show, no text, no call! I called but no answer, so I left 2 polite text messages later which included the phrases “sorry, we missed each other”, “don’t worry” and “take care”, hoping she’d interpret as “Oh, well.. moving on” and might see me as more valuable. But nothing happened.

    Ceased all communication, whatsoever. After a few weeks I learnt that she had been with her friends on vacation the day when we were supposed to meet – her Instagram revealed. She’s 19, well-figured, beautiful, deep-thought working student majoring in architecture, a social media icon with numerous admirers. I’m in my 30’s, not bad looking, in good shape, with a ‘busy’ career.

    I’m just learning these dating principles since back then I did everything old school without the knowledge. I dated quality women successfully and unsuccessfully – just later realized that even I had been successful to some, mostly my actions had been so needy!

    Looking back at the following methods I used:
    1st attempt: Personal – successful (first date)
    2nd attempt: Text – no response (but the invite I made was untimely)
    3rd attempt: Phone call – she was excited but flaked.

    Was she really excited though? Has she lost attraction?
    Was the invite (bring head cap and eyeglasses) too much of pressure?
    As it took 7 days waiting, should I have contacted her in between?
    Should I have picked her up at her house instead of meeting at a place?

    I still have to get the book… Any advice?

    • DailyManliness

      My advice on this is going to run counter to most dating advice gurus, so do what you think works best but I’ll throw in my comments for you and other readers. I think the thing that was the biggest mistake was setting up a date so far away and also having no contact with her. 7 days without talking to someone means they’re no one to you, I’m curious if she said anything to you during that week because that would be a signal. I’ve never been with a girl who would be “fine with” no talking for a week. If a woman is attracted and more importantly invested in you, then she will want to talk to you. The guys job is to have her invested. Attraction is only part of the battle, a woman can think a guy is hot and want him badly but then forget about him the next second, but the more time and energy she puts into you the more she wants you. You may like watching a certain stock, but it means more if you have money in it. I’ll write something on this in the near future so stay tuned, but for now I think that’s a good description of what happened here. She may have been attracted but was not invested, which honestly is great for you, attraction is difficult so you won most of the battle. Let’s also be fair here though, a vacation isn’t something she’s going to skip for you

    • “alpha male” hahahahaha

      shes not into you. If she was she would have shown up.

  • caughy

    I had a gal flake on me and told me that she had me confused with another guy. I let her know how I felt. I gave her another chance and she put me into the friend zone afterwards. 6 weeks later, she calls me and tells me that she missed our relationship and wanted us to spend time together. Guess what, she flaked on me again. Then she got back with her ex boyfriend, a piece of shit who had left her four months earlier. I will never be played again by pieces of shit like this fucking bitch.

    • DailyManliness

      A few things to note here 1. “I let her know how I felt”..I never let a woman know how I feel (if feelings are involved) until after she expresses her feelings, sometimes for even quite awhile. Love needs to be shown by her first and expressed by her first, once you do it first you’re chasing and she knows she has you. 2. I’m guessing after that period apart from each other you immediately accepted her request for her a date, it was good she came back, but you needed to be more nonchalant this time, and tell her you had plans already and start treating her like any other girl, even “friendzoning” her. Jumping right back on again showed her she had you again. 3. The severity of your comments there with cursing show how invested you are/were in this girl, if I can tell by your comments she can tell in person. She’s not a fucking bitch, you made a few errors here. Which brings me to some lessons about your situation that hopefully help you and others (which is why I respond to posts, to further the learning experience), don’t ever bash an ex-boyfriend or other guys, they’re irrelevant. I don’t know if you’re just doing that here, but my article on friendzoning may also help with this. Also, she didn’t really play you, you made a few mistakes and gave her control, it really was as simple as that. It’s a great learning experience so it doesn’t happen again in the future.

      • caughy

        In retrospect, I am not angry anymore. I wish her the best with her ex-boyfriend. I have no contact with her anymore, even on Facebook. I realize now that I would have been the rebound relationship for her and the outcome most likely would have been the same with the ex-boyfriend. I see a gal now where no games or tests are taking place. But you’re right, sometimes new relationships are about controlling emotions and expectations. But games should be left on the playground.

  • Real nikka 420

    Women flake because they are peices of shit. They stirng you along for a few days then right before you meet up they ghost you.

    You have to message and make plans with as many women as possible because of this.

    The worst is when bitches play games and make you wait all day for a text back. Like bitch wtf are you doing that you cant text me back in 10 mins or less.

    Fucking skansk bruh

    • DailyManliness

      It’s just the nature of the game now to illicit an emotional response very similar to the one you’re having now. The thing is, when you have multiple women saying “yes” you automatically have an abundance mentality, so you don’t get emotional about flaking. The cooler you are with delayed responses and flakes the more likely they won’t keep doing that. It’s counter intuitive, but it’s supposed to make you mad and the second you get mad they believe/know they have control over you.

      • Real nikka 420

        But i never show that im mad they still ghost me. I think bitches have nothing better todo then talk to you for days and then diss you. Which is sad really like aren’t you wasting your own time as much as mine?

        Women dont have any hobbies

        • DailyManliness

          That’s exactly it, the “hobby” of women is drama. With friends or with men, especially with men. Everything they do is for an emotional reaction.

          • NewYorker88

            I will give some space and see how the next month or two goes after we chat but I guess it is more healthy to physiologically move on.

        • “alpha male” hahahahaha

          you obviously dont have the quality’s these women you are pursuing are looking for. You ask them out and women are to “nice” to say no. You are seen as a friend and that’s it. She is just not into you. Dont make plans just let things happen naturally and go in for the “non friend” activities right away. I go out, meet a girl and if were hitting it off i go in for a kiss then make plans to meet again. The night I meet them and kiss is what I consider the first date. I dont go “we should hang out sometime” and get a number because we are already hanging out. I almost never get turned away because I know the signs to look for before I go in for the kiss. it usually ends with us going home together. Our culture is a “hook up” culture now. After that she will only flake if you are a lousy kisser or dont fuck her right. Women like confidence in a man and just moving in for the kiss takes confidence.

  • jamal

    I asked her out and set the date 2 days advance. Then I postponed the date after 3 days and scheduled it 7 days/1 week from the day that I postponed the date. After that, I have not been consistent with maintaining casual contact. Then the day before the date, she cancelled because she had some family matter to attend to. I texted her that it was fine then offered to reschedule. A day has passed and I haven’t received any response from her. What should I do? I really like this girl.

    • DailyManliness

      Sometimes when scheduling a date too far in advance isn’t working, it’s easier to just continue talking and make it more of a “random” thing. You could ask “are you free tonight?” then give a plan, being a little more aggressive fits my personality more so I just say something casual like what time do you work til tonight? Then “I’ll see you at (30 minutes after they get off) so we can get dinner” or something like that. I mix it up, sometimes I’ll ask if they’re free, give them a time, and I do try to get dates in advance too. It’s what you feel comfortable with and how you feel about the girl. If you don’t want to give up you can try any of those things, including trying to plan a date in advance again. Just remember to keep it cool and casual now and not get obsessive

  • “alpha male” hahahahaha

    you are really pathetic. If a woman wants you she will show up unless something real did happen at the last minute. But most often it is you who are the the reason a girl flakes. She does not like you. Never believe the its not you its me line because it is you. Or the Im not wanting to date or see anyone now line. Again she just does not want to see or date you. If the right guy came along she would want to date him. Just move on. The advice of acting cool and giving a second chance is good because as I said, it could of been for a legit reason. Most of you reek of desperation and that is your problem and the reason you are alone. Persistence is desperation; again, move on. If she wants you and the flake was for a real legit reason she will make plans to reschedule without you hounding her. Also shut the fuck up about being an “alpha male”. That shows you are a cocky shit and will also ensure you are alone. You have built a fake persona which make you look like a douche. Your fake persona is obvious because you make you lies about how your night was great even though you were stood up. It also makes it obvious that you cant stand on your own two feet and judge your worth based on what women think of you. That is not “alpha”. Your constant use of the word hot also shows that you have no real confidence and have low self esteem. You need a hot woman to prop you up. Just needing a woman in general to feed your self perception is pathetic enough but your especially douchey and need a trophy to show the world how alpha you are. Confidence not cockiness is key and it is obvious to me and to women that you lack in that department. It is also obvious that you get flaked on A LOT by the fact you even wrote this crap. Being flaked on is not a constant problem for most men. I let women pursue me and that way i know they are interested. Just be cool, confident, know how to talk to women (making them laugh is key in that dept,), have something to offer (not an unmeployed slacker), be successful and have shit going on in your life women will pursue you too.

    • DailyManliness

      A self-aggrandizing manifesto written on Saturday of Memorial Day Weekend, what a rockstar. Please break down my sarcasm and stoicism here and how, that too, is a turn off for women. I’m sure we would all love to hear what you have to say.

      Fun side note for my readers: When you have someone who attempts to discredit you and especially does so at length as seen here, less is more. As is the case here, always be the Captain who knows what he’s saying is true and is just dealing with someone who has an outside agenda. I’d bet anything this is a lonely bored guy who has never talked to a woman before or possibly even a woman. What I propose in my piece here creates abundance, abundance creates options, if you “toy with”, “play with”, “experiment on”, and “game” your flakes you can cultivate even more women. This character is right about one thing, women should not be flaking. But if you have 150 women, 17 flake, and those 17 have legitimate reasons and/or are game players, why not keep them around as well? I’d rather mess around with another 17 women than crying and running away from them. I’m sure men who read this will be able to see the logic in that.

  • JD

    In all my time attempting online dating, every date I’ve ever arranged has been a flake. Literally have yet to meet a girl in person in years of trying. I’ve handled every one the way this article recommends, not because I read the article, but it seemed to be the right thing to do. Sometimes I even HAVE had a great night doing something else after the flake. But has handling things well helped me? Not at all.

    A few times the flake offered to try again later, but each time, and I emphasize EACH AND EVERY TIME, she flaked on the second date WITH THE MESSAGE THAT she just met someone else and is starting something with him and doesn’t think she can date me now.

    In other words, the first flake story was a lie to cover her date with this other guy, and I was her backup.

    Acting like I have options is all well and good, but I’ve only had a handful of dates in my life, and I’m over 30 now. Career’s amazing, own several houses (totally self-made), and very athletically outgoing, but I just don’t have the face for dating. Hard not to hate womankind when you’ve lived my life.

  • Rick Edwards

    Ok here is what concerns me. I have been playing the game for about 220 years LOL Just kidding lets say 20 and the article was right on target. I have been the wimpy guy that freaks out to the other guy that was calm and didn’t care when a chick flaked. Being calm and not worried about it ALWAYS got me the best results. It does work best. However, I just turned 63, now I am worried I don’t have much time left to play the game. I moved to central America and I don’t care what age Latin women are the flakiest in the world. I just had a 50 year old flake on me after we got serious. In your opinions, should I just go elsewhere than Latin America and]or should I stop trying to play the game. OR should I continue playing until I fizzle out. I am just looking for some thoughts and opinions.

    • DailyManliness

      The game is Universal. It isn’t dependent on age or place, perhaps the only thing that can “ease” game in many cases is going for women of lower value, and by that I mean considerably lower value. When your status, wealth, social situation etc..is far superior to a woman’s obviously the game becomes easier. The game of course is easiest when you, yourself, are on point. Then you can convey all of those things by dressing well, speaking well, having an exciting life, and things like that. My suggestion regardless of any persons age would be to improve themselves, and to be the best they can be. It’s never too late to improve no matter how old you are. That’s why I write articles here, to give well rounded opinions and advice to enhance how men view themselves and ultimately take care of, and present themselves.

      To sum it up, my best advice would be the same to you as it would be to any other reader: Become better at the game, learn what you can, spend a night or two improving yourself. If you’re worried about time, body language and attire are quick fixes that can immediately improve one’s game right away. I wouldn’t encourage any to move or seek out people they don’t really want, that would be a personal choice, I like the more positive self-improvement approach. Best of luck.

  • JohnnyRotten11

    I had a frankly bizarre experience with a girl 11 years my junior. I was a mature student in a high end professional degree. She was 22, from wealthy background and obviously no/not much previous life experience. In our final year we were put in a group together along with a few others. I’m quite tall, good looking (so I’m told!) and have a very good sense of humour but basically had no intention of going near anyone that much younger than me.
    She seemed to take a shine to me and at first I dismissed it as being a juvenile crush but she’s quite intelligent and very funny in a dry acerbic way, a trait I really like. On the few nights out I was at (remember I’m old) she always came up to me to talk and would be touching me, hand etc. We left our first small teaching group and we’re placed in different hospitals but kept in contact on facebook where she sent very suggestive and on the nose messages (the only thing missing in my life is you etc!)

    Eventually I asked her out and she agreed emphatically almost as if she was dying for me to ask her out but I’d put it off as was quite busy. Attempted to arrange 1st date but she was away that weekend, genuinely. Same for 2nd weekend and the third weekend (she was from a city that was quite away off from the one we were both studying in (which wasn’t that exciting to be honest) but obviously a tad frustrating for me. I’m extremely easy going so didn’t get annoyed at all. I did suggest that perhaps a mid week meet up may be more convenient but she never really responded to that.

    Tried a few more times but wasn’t around as her dad had an operation and she had to go home for a few weekends to look after him. I basically backed off at this point. We were, once again, put together in a small teaching group for our final teaching before last exams. Clueless as to where I stood with her to be honest but she was extremely flirtatious, touching my leg, hand, checking out my crotch even!!. I did notice however that she checked out other guys on placement as well, quite alot, but with me it was definitely alot more. I’d already attempted to arrange a date with her at least 6 times at this point over several weeks so asking her out again wasn’t really on my playbook, however I sent her a whatsapp asking just that acknowledging we were close to big exams and if she didn’t want to then I wouldn’t mind at all.
    She again said yes but when I messaged her trying to arrange a time/place, nothing, I saw her in the group and it’s almost as if she was expecting me to say something to her regarding it but we were never alone and that’s not something for public consumption. At that point I just gave up but she was still making eye contact with me, grabbing my hand etc. Did final exams, saw her at a party but when we were close to each other she didn’t seem that bothered so at this point I just gave up completely and decided to have a good time and forget about her, another girl from the class was fairly drunk so I tried to help, buy her water,keep her from falling over, lol. She started trying to kiss me but I stopped her obviously, of course my “crush” was standing 3 feet away when this was happening unbeknownst to me. She looked quite annoyed but at this point given how many times I tried to arrange something between us I found it hard to care. Another girl did also start coming on to me after this and I left with her but nothing happened we just said goodnight.

    Next day I heard she left with some other girls boyfriend though apparently they didn’t sleep together. I was then at another night out (the last one) 3 days after this and had written her off, she arrives in with some completely different guy (older). Where he came from I have no idea! But I caught her several times looking over at me, gauging my reaction? I went to the bathroom and on my way back she was walking towards me, she started making her way towards me and saying hi very emphatically, at this point all I did was look at her, say hi and walked on without engaging her in conversation.
    The last time I saw her was in our final class after that night, she was looking back at me and almost looked sad if I had to guess??! Anyway haven’t seen her in 4 months now and not likely to again, it was the most bizarre experience I’ve ever had with a girl. I either fucked up something that might have been very good with a girl I very much liked or got played by a 22 year old egocentric asshole, I’m still not sure!

  • Pete Olivarez

    See I have been talking to this girl for two months and she lives in Robstown Texas but she used to live in Weslaco Texas which is a lot closer to me and we planned it out so that she would stay over this weekend. Before this weekend we would text and call regularly throughout each day and the day she was supposed to come down Friday I texted her asking when she was coming down no response. So Friday passes and nothing happened. Saturday comes around and I text her and asks if she’s ok and whether or not she was coming she texts me back yes that she was coming and that her friend was visiting and that she would head to Weslaco later that day. Saturday passed and I didn’t get a call or text informing me that she had come down so we could at least meet up. Then yesterday I texted her saying good morning then I called her later and she didn’t answer. Never called me back or texted me at all yesterday then this morning I text her morning then she just texted me back “smh” and that was it. Like what the heck? She’s giving me a response like that after she flaked on me apparently what could have gone wrong??

    • DailyManliness

      What could have gone wrong is any number of things, it’s impossible to figure out specifically what it was or if it had anything to do with you at all. It could be anything I listed in the article and numerous other things as well, maybe when she was with her friend she was having such a great time she didn’t want to come anymore. I agree the response is weird and you deserved more of an explanation, but let’s be fair, there’s no guarantee the explanation would have been true either. An excuse would be great, it could even be validating if it was legitimate, but it can’t be something that you worry about. I think the key cog to this entire piece is to not be too bothered by whatever the reason was for a flake. Through self-improvement, social circle expansion, and a generally busy life, even if it’s a hobby or spending time with family, is a comforting way to make sure women don’t flake. Putting too much stock into a night based on a woman will lead to disappointment. Regardless of where you go from here keep it light and playful with her, whether she had a good reason or a disappointing reason don’t take it too personally and keep improving.

      • Pete Olivarez

        well now she’s acting like nothing happened and saying “why didn’t you check my Snapchat?” I just figured you know that you should text or call me if you’re not going to show up instead of expecting me to look at your “story” to see where you’re at. It doesn’t make a lick of sense to me.

        • DailyManliness

          She’s acting the way guys should act when a girl flakes. Women will always make light of it, like it was no big deal, and guess what? It isn’t. You had something better to do anyway, it was a luxury you fir her into your busy schedule so she could have a night of fun with you. It’s more of her problem for flaking than yours she flaked. Thats the mindset I think is necessary until it becomes a legitimate lifestyle.

  • Bobbie A

    Where is that fine line between pursuing a girl even if she flakes you (which is exactly what you are saying) versus losing a sense of self-respect because she definitely could be USING you as that guy she talks to when bored but would rather date some other dude.

    • DailyManliness

      The fine line is where any individual wants to draw it. There’s times for some men where a girl may legitimately be believed after multiple flakings. These things are circumstantial. What are the reasons she’s giving you? Have you hooked up yet? Is she a part of your social circle? The advice presented is for broad scenarios and how to deal with the flake, whether it be once, twice, three times, or even more than that. How many times someone wishes to employ the advice is up to them and any of those things I just mentioned.

      I have a large social circle that was extremely over the top at one point just because of how many people had friends of friends. I’ve seen flaking happen based on concern of dating in that scenario. Situations where people are hanging out in a group and even having sex, but being cautious with how often dating is done on a one to one basis at the beginning. Most advice doesn’t cover a situation like that they just go NO FLAKING! DITCH HER! Yeah? But what if the girls having sex with you but flaking here and there on dates? No one ever mentions that, I didn’t even mention it in the article because it’s not commonplace. Since you’re asking about the fine line though, it’s really an individual choice and based on a particular situation.

      • DatingNotHating

        i love this friggin column!! wish i could subscribe to it but don’t see a link! really GREAT advice. i’d like to ask the moderator, for you personally how many flakes will you tolerate? you seem like a guy’s guy, alpha and smokin cigars like a mofo. i have 5 girls i’m seeing. 3 i’ve had relations with and we’re very friendly and get along great we ALWAYS have a good time and i treat ’em with class. they are beautiful on the inside though i think most of my guy-friends would pass on them due to being too old, out of shape etc etc. all reasons i find silly. no one is perfect….

        2 of the 5 girls were i think what you would refer to as serial flakers and by society’s norms said “hot” women. girl #1, let’s call her, has been texting me for almost 4 weeks.

        the first week we were going to go out on a thursday…but she was so tired from work and salsa dancing and spanish class. so she cancelled. i handled it exactly as you advised, water off a duck’s back. week 2 we try to plan for the weekend, she’s busy. again i’m cool as a fool. week 3 i’m actually really legitimately sick. one thing i pick up on is she does not show any empathy for being sick. just all about her blah blah blah.

        week 4 we set up a date and we’re both looking forward to it. she’s going on and on about omg i got you in my calendar! finally!! and so a few days before said date, she’s all omgahhhh i’m so tired from salsa dancing again! i say are you sure you’re going to be able to meet up? and she says…..ummmmmmm can i let you know the night before?

        at this point i’m done. but i respond with, oh gosh maybe we should just cancel…i’m not mad or anything it’s just that i’ve had some really great dates lately and i think i want to pursue them since they’re available and open to dating. i wish you the BEST!!! and she responds with (what i suspected the whole fucking time) yeah i just got out of a 12 year relationship and i’m super busy and i just want to date casually. but i’m glad you’ve met some cool people. i wish you the best too!

        my question…wtf is she on a dating website to begin with? what’s your take?

        girl #2
        also gorgeous. she wants to talk on the phone before a date. i call her and she has “zero” minutes to talk before her movie with friends. but i play it cool, make her laugh, and by the end she says i really like your high energy, you’re so funny. so we set up a date for thursday. she agrees. then thursday won’t work for her and she asks if we can do wed, i say sure! then wednesday won’t work and she’s going to the beach with a group of friends, can we do sunday when she gets back. i say no problem take it easy string cheesy have fun and call me when you get back. she doesn’t call when she gets back on sunday. monday i ask her as if nothing happened, “hey, how was the beach?” and she’s gushing with info said it was so much fun blah blah. i ask you want to try again for this week. and she says YES, PLEASE. so i say okay let’s do thursday, 7:30pm sat night. she says ok. couple of days pass asks if we can later in the night towards 9pm. i’m done at this point. again not mad, but just thinking this is fucking silly. i say “i’m no longer interested or available, i wish you the best! xo” she gets mad and passive agressive and says “omgahhhh i’m SO glad i didn’t show up at 7:30 you would’ve stood me up blah blah blah. i wish you the best too!

        your take? i’m thinking brain damaged??
        j

        • DailyManliness

          1. I appreciate the compliments, if you want to subscribe in some way I do have a facebook page which I’ll be adding on here very shortly, the link is facebook.com/dailymanliness to stay updated on new content

          2. The first girl might be on a dating website strictly for validation and her own ego. Maybe see how much attention she’ll get. There’s no guarantee a girl on a dating site is there for real reasons

          3. With the second girl there’s definitely a good lesson with her. When a girl is unavailable for a certain night don’t immediately jump on whatever she suggests. Try to make the plans and lead on your own terms.

  • Nicholas V

    The author is right in speaking about patience and not jumping to conclusions, but I do think that if a hot woman flakes, then she should be the one to really try to get back with the guy.

    • DailyManliness

      I agree, by using this advice usually the woman will be the one who starts to try harder. By acting (or actually being) ok with a flaking then a woman will typically start to clamor for a guy. Like I’ve said, there’s women who play games just for the sake of games, but even those women are still women who can be affected by a guy who isn’t bothered by her. When you’re in a position in life where you can go out and have fun regardless of if someone bails on you, women will notice. Don’t make it about them even if they do flake on you, just keep going out and having fun like that’s what was gonna happen anyway except now it didn’t happen with the flake. Women will notice that and will try to get with the guy, at least from my experience.

  • ABC

    So I fell for my workmate, she told me shes not interested and we are just friends, I told her how I feel about her, she blocked me on all social media’s but was still fine and flirty with me in person. We became friends again, I told her how I felt after all her flirting and she blocked me again, she has since added me back, messages me everyday, I brought her alot of gifts as a friend, we started hanging out on one or two occassions, I’ve pushed my feelings for her aside and relized we are just friends, she still messages me everyday and sends me revealing but non-nude pics. She knows I will be there for her no matter what, but I’m not sure I even want to be friends with her anymore. She asked if I wanted to go out for dinner/lunch, I said yea why not, sounds good. The day came and I see on snapchat she is out with someone else, so I message her “I guess we will go out another time” she messages back oh she completely forgot even though it has been only a few days since we discussed this, thus why I dont even think friends would be good anymore. She also flaked on another occasion where she said we could do something on a specific day but went out the night before and was too hungover the next day with the same guy and acted like we never made plans until I brought it up. My question is why would she invite me out and then flake? she knows I have feelings for her and that I am only trying to be a friend. I don’t buy her much stuff anymore but still feel as I owe it to her to be a very good friend and I do what I can to make her a happy chappy and its not like I’m making any moves. Her last relationship ended very badly for her, and I am alot older than her, maybe her maturity level isnt as high as mine but am I being out of line when I say she is not a good friend or are these feelings coming from jealousy and lust? or am I the one over reacting by not reacting to this?

    • DailyManliness

      It seems like you’re worried about her more than you’re worried about you. Your happiness comes first and foremost. This sounds like a case of the friendzone, more than a girl who’s flaking. A flake is usually not someone you’re involved with intimately, most of the time it’s during a “first date” scenario with someone you just met. A female friend is an entirely different thing. Articles about the friendzone would explain more clearly what is going on, I have one on this site that I think would be more helpful to understanding your situation. (For you and anyone else who think they may be having more of a friendzone problem than a flaking problem, which may seem to overlap, here’s the link: http://www.dailymanliness.com/how-to-get-out-of-the-friendzone/

      Based on your question asking if “she’s a good friend” it doesn’t really seem like you view her as a friend at all, it’s hard to characterize her friendship when you have feelings. I have many legitimate female friends and because I have no personal affection for them I can judge my friendship with them fairly. Now here’s the thing, if you did not have feelings for her and kept making plans with her as a legitimate friend, I don’t think there’s a question that an actual friend should not consistently break plans and you’d be correct in calling her out on it. In the situation as it stands the waters are muddied because of the feelings. I also will say in a legitimate friendship one party shouldn’t be buying gifts or paying for everything. My friends and I (male and female) often pay for each other and it always breaks even. Somone grabs a round of drinks and then someone else grabs the next, same with fast food in small groups, and everyone pays individually when out to eat as well. No one gets preferential treatment with legitimate friendships.

      I’d say your comment “I have feelings for her and I’m only trying to be a friend” is the most important thing you said. Romantic feelings is not friendship, that’s looking for something more. Because of the confusion step 1 would definitely be to figure out what you want. But even above that, I always say the real first step is self-improvement (physically, financially, etc…) When you’re at your best and have many options worrying so much about one individual girl is much less common.

      • ABC

        Well I’ve been thinking about it, and she has invited me out 6 times, 4 of the times she flaked (she went bannanas when I told her how I felt about her I so havent asked her anywhere), first time she invited me to town, 40 minute taxi drive (as I would be drinking and not want to drive), 2nd time she got on it to hard the night before and was to hung over and didnt even think about our plans, the third time I was actually just helping her with something so she turned up, the fourth time we actually hung out, 5th time she went out with someone else and got on it, 6th time was our rescedueled 5th time the next day she was to hung over. I wouldnt put up with this from any friends so why should I put up with it from her, she has already snapchatted me 3 times today, to which I havent replied. It has nothing to do with my feelings for her, its about her being rude and disrespectful, there is another girl I met at the pub, she invited me out today for the weekend, she is quite pretty and I would maybe like to get to know her more but I have to work on that specific day…. Im not asking how to get this girl to like me, I’m asking how to handle this situation in a mature and safe manner where as I dont come off as a bad guy but not a pussy who can be walked all over either. btw we dont work together anymore. Would it be such a bad idea to cut her off, as she has cut me off three times already then become friendly with me again? Also she loves attention. I’ve thought about how I can be mature in this situation and I think I will continue to stay friends with her but if she invites me out anywhere I will politely decline or say we will see what happens on the day.

        • DailyManliness

          If you don’t work together anymore “how you look” is basically irrelevant. Saying you don’t want to come off as a “bad guy or pussy” is putting far too much stock into what she thinks. It doesn’t matter what she thinks, what matters is doing this socially the right way which I think is generally what you’re asking. With that said the best advice is what I put at the bottom of this article about playing it cool and not caring. Seeing as she’s flaked numerous times, if you feel it’s reached that point you don’t want to give anymore chances then that’s up to you. That part is an individual choice. If you feel like cutting her off that’s the way you are certainly able to handle this, and that doesn’t make you a bad guy or a pussy, it’s an acceptable response to multiple flakings. Like I say in the article this isn’t about saying “you were a flake goodbye” and letting it be overtly known you’re cutting her off by brandishing it in her face, it’s just pulling back so you can focus on yourself and your life. If she flips out that is her problem.

  • Jay P

    Hey man, this chick on bumble was down to meet. I suggested taco bell that serves drinks since we were talking about tacos. After that, she was not very engaging in the conversation. I could not understand whether it was the suggestion of taco bell or just me or she was just getting some amusement. What do you think?

    • DailyManliness

      There’s no way to know what it actually was based off of this, but I would make a suggestion that if a girl says she likes tacos and you want to go on a date involving that, then a mexican restaurant or even someplace like Moe’s/Chipotle would be a better option. Taco Bell as a main date isn’t going to have broad appeal usually, despite how unfortunate that may be. Usually when pitching a date if you’re doing a dinner it will be at a restaurant and then you’ll have a main date afterwards. The only time you can get away with a non-restaurant kind of thing in a situation with a bar where it may be ok. Then you’re going out for drinks and wings/bar food which is similar to the restaurant option but at a bar. Fast food isn’t going to be a commonly accepted first date, whether it’s as the main date or just the food portion.

  • Guck Fosu

    Hey dude, got a flake that happened to me literally about an hour ago. Basically I met up with this girl last week, we hit it off really nice, i didn’t notice any signs of hesitance or rejection from her vibe, and she was eager to talk and all that jazz. After a somewhat lengthy convo I suggested we grab some coffee the next week (today), she responds with an enthusiastic ‘Oh I love coffee!’ and agrees. She gives me her digits and then we split (this was at college, late in the evening).

    Anyway I shoot her a message and she responds about 3 hours later. Im not really fussed about the reply time, but the excuse sounded really bullshit. I may be wrong because I dont know obviously, but I sent her a standard ‘Hey ZZZ how was your weekend? Mine involved XXX and XXX – really needed that. We’ll meet up at 1 at Merlo’s coffee, see you then – [my name] :)” Felt like the text was fine, not much small talk, asked her how her weekend was, told her about mine and related nicely, and then straight to the coffee date.

    Her response was, roughly about 40 minutes after the time we were meant to meet up (I didn’t even show up because I kept this situation in the back of my mind) “Hey! Agh, Im so sorry ive just seen this now. Ive been at my friends house and just come back :(”

    I get the vibe of her not showing any interest, because sometimes a girl would maybe suggest an alternative like “Maybe some other time?” or something along those lines, but I got nothing. Im not super phased, shes a cool chick but I couldn’t care less, though i would like to spend more time with her. So I just replied with an “alrighty no biggie, will see you another time”

    Ill give her another chance – what/when should I shoot her another message? Im flying away for about 5 days which kind of ruins the thing you talked about in your article about being persistent, is this really bad news or is there a way around it? (On the plus side when I come back it covers the aspect of talking about how great my week was)

    Cheers

    • DailyManliness

      My biggest suggestion from your situation is to plan dates much sooner. A week is a lifetime in our current “instant gratification” datng environment. The best dates I have planned and seen planned is within a few day period of the initial convo. Your getting a new way of looking at it here first that I’m going to have to save for future articles. A womans attraction is like a boiling pot of water to cook some fresh pasta. If you turn a burner all the way up and then turn it off the water will stay hot for awhile, but eventually it’ll turn cold. That’s how women work. You need to cook while it’s boiling or she’s not going to care. So much can happen within a week. I’d say most guys are not going to get the courtesy of a week wait and not get flaked on. If you start talking on a Monday, I wouldn’t aim for much later than Thursday. It’s also a great idea to start convos closer to the weekend so you can suggest coffee during the day. During the week most women (if you’re older) have less flexible schedules and then grabbing a drink becomes an option as well.

      Attraction for most guys is very up and down. Unless you’re driving a Mercedes and wearing a Rolex (or have a six pack with vascular arms, preferably all of these things) it’s going to be moment to moment until things escalate physically. Up until the physical investment and emotions start developing you’re really just another guy. Women are ALWAYS on the hunt for an upgrade, even when they’re with someone, but when they’re single they’re getting so much attention when you have the water boiling it’s time to cook.

      Also I’m noticing a trend in a lot of the questions here with asking about salvaging a particular situation. This is a very expansive question with a lot of details on this particular girl. While you may say “no big deal” and you are “not phased” it seems like you’re still very much interested. If I’m picking up on that, she will as well. I have set myself apart from “dating experts” in the male advice arena by suggesting men continue pursuing flakes if they choose to (as I have done it myself) but the crucial part of my success with flaky girls has always been abundance. They have seen and know via social media platforms that I AM hooking up with other girls and they are just another girl in the rotation. I understand every guy cannot convey that as I have had the fortune of doing, but abundance “mentality” is just as good. Acting as though you have 1,000 options (subtly, not outright, just with your behavior) is usually enough to get most women.

  • Juan21

    Hey Man this just happen to me my friends girlfriend introduced me to one of her bestfriend. We were at the arcade we had fun and I manage to get her number at the end of day? After I got her number we set up a date on the next 4 days. The day arrived we talk a lot. We play some games she own me in the games she said I was her lucky charm. she smile, she laugh, she would touch my arms. Well after the day ended I gave her a kiss. When I got home she sent a message saying “she had a great time tonight.” After that I gave her a day to relax. So this time I invited her to a friends B-day. We ate, talk, I took her outside as she was talking I gave her a kiss and made out. I dropped her to her house. We talk she said she knew about me months ago and she knew this would happen. she said I was diff than the other guys I was one of those rare to find. But then she told me something that threw me off and weird. She said she had plan on marrying a guy that leaves in another state not bc she wanted to but bc of her niece. But after she met me she change her mind. My friend also told me about this since her girlfriend tells him everything about this girl. He said that the girl said she likes me a lot and thinks she won’t marry the other guy or move out of state bc i could make her happy. keep in mind we only have seen each other for 3 days. so that day ended I didn’t talk to her the next day witch was Sunday and then Monday came up and she texted me. she also came to my house talk n kiss. We agree to go to dinner but plans change and I wanted to go to the park instead. Day of the park came she flake on me saying she had to go to help her aunt throw the trash to the dump and she couldnt make and said sorry that she really wanted to see me. so we move it to the next day. I was alright about it. so next day came she didn’t again saying she had to drive her aunt to places, so she could tlk on the phone and was really sorry she felt awful and said what can i do to make it up to you. I said I wanted to see you. then her replied was you say when n I promise ill be there. Well the day came. she said she was almost there. 2 hours later get a another message saying she had really low battery and was gonna head home. SO my replied was Alrght, confusing but no worries. she replied why confuse. My last msg was Nothing lol, cant really text im driving. I didnt want to show any emotion to it even tho I was pissed. she flake on me again. why? what should I do?

    • DailyManliness

      You’re experiencing the “game” type of flaking that happens when a woman is seeing multiple people. This is definitely not a typical flake that’s applicable to single girls and first dates. On top of that it sounds like you’re dealing with a complicated situation with a potential marriage. If a woman is hooking up with you and someone else, her flaking is probably a result of either seeing the other person or confusion. Your decision is really about what you feel about this woman and if you’re comfortable on this journey. The same advice still does apply to you though with keeping calm and being unaffected by her flakes, but in your case it could be more frequent than usual because of the complexity of the situation.

      • Juan21

        Yeah my friend told me she said she felt bad of what she did to me and didn’t know why she did it and thought I wasn’t going to talk to her and she was right i was done already I took it like I don’t care. So next day she texted me late afternoon. Just a text saying “hey” I acted like like nothing happen and didn’t even mention the flakes. The texting went from a small talk to flirting. I texted her a quote saying “I miss, n like your lips but your lips would look better with mine” She text back saying she miss me too with hearts. I don’t know what her intentions are but when she flake me those couple times I cant invite her anywhere because Im to cautions now but I feel she wants me too but cant. About the marriage with the other guy the only reason she was marrying the guy its for the papers and for her niece. Then that when my friend told me after she met me she thinks she would be happy. I really cant read this girl. I could tell she very experience with the outside world and the sex life. Im not. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I should just take calm. I really don’t know what to do. can you help me out man

        • DailyManliness

          You’re investing a lot into one particular woman, when you said you feel like you should just take it calmly, I’d have to agree with your gut instinct on that. Don’t get too wrapped up in this, especially when someone is not officially with you in some capacity. Even then it’s always important to stay calm and keep your composure. Too much concern gives a woman power to wield over you. Similar to what I’ve said to others on here, many questions involved being “confused about one particular girl” which means you need to expand your options or at least have the mindset of there are plenty of fish in the sea. Also there’s never a woman “can’t” do something. If she cares she can and she will. None of this involves incredible life sacrifices, it’s not even an affair. This is two single people and there’s no reason a woman should be this complicated at that stage.

  • NewYorker88

    So I have a bit of an interesting one. This girl in the office who has been here for a few months, We hit it off in a few happy hours. I did like for her and asked her a long to a baseball game, because of the work thing it was not like an official date or anything and I don’t think she saw it that way. Anyway we ended up having a few more happy hours and hanging out. I’ve never done the work dating and we don’t directly report to each other but do share the same office. I decided to throw it out there that I enjoyed her company and hope it could continue. She let me know she was not really into it because of the work thing. Fair enough. We still talked a lot and after I had thrown the idea into the mix she still continued to want to see me which seemed interesting.

    She invited me to hers one night and we ended up drinking wine. I stayed the evening but nothing really happened. Although it was rather a touchy feely kind of night. She asked what the actual rules of dating in the office were and now I knew she was interested. Anyway I text her reconfirming my interest and she replied still hesitant but did seem she could be into the idea. Things seemed like they were starting to happen and I was really pretty into this girl. So I thought rather than having a proper talk I wanted to ask her on a date and make it clear it was a date. She replied saying yes, and that she will give it a shot. I was really excited. We set the date the following week and 2 nights before she text be saying things had changed and it wasn’t fair on her or me to go out. I was frustrated but just played it cool saying no worries. She said she was sorry and appreciated the offer. I didn’t reply and we have not spoken since. That was last week. I am pretty sure she thinks I am ignoring her. I don’t want to be too hard on her because had voiced her doubts about the work thing but I have no idea what is going on. Was it a legitimate excuse because of work, is there some new dude on the scene? I am not sure I want to know. Either way I have no idea how to play it from here. At some point the ice needs to break again because we see each other everyday. I have just pulled back for now but I don’t want her to think I am being vindictive, although I don’t think she handled it well saying yes then flaking. Ps I would not usually go for the work thing either but we really hit it off.

    Thoughts anyone?

    • DailyManliness

      Most of the time I would say a lot of talking about what you’re going to do, opposed to just acting, isn’t a great thing. This is one of those instances where a conversation (at least one, but preferably not too many or too excessively) was necessary. A work situation automatically throws out the conventional rules. While it’s always a better idea to just act instead of discuss things at length, when you work with someone you do need to talk. By nature that is just one of the 1,000 difficulties with dating a co-worker.

      Dating a co-worker in general isn’t something I’d suggest. I understand love can blossom and it does happen, if both parties are eager to make it work it can work, but that isn’t to say it still isn’t different and a situation with more pressure than usual. In your case I do think it was most likely legitimate where she was concerned with work. My only suggestion is when you said “be too hard on her” you do have to remember this is your co-worker. Rules of flaking apply less than rules of professionalism in this case.

      I wouldn’t say you did anything wrong. The only thing I could even potentially point out is the length of time it seems like you were hanging out without getting physically intimate, but I wouldn’t be hard on yourself over that. If this was not a co-worker I’d say you really have to escalate touching and breaking down the physical barrier much sooner. I bring this up as a general statement to other readers in not waiting too long to take action with a woman. The sooner the physical barrier is broken down the better the prospects for a relationship. Always let comfort develop but light playful touching is always encouraged as soon as possible. In your situation, like with everything else, that was made more complicated by the co-worker thing.

      While it was not handled well saying yes then flaking, your current navigation of the situation proves that may have been a blessing in disguise. If you had gone on multiple dates and feelings really started developing it would be much harder to navigate than it is now. While I give a lot of commentary in my answers for general readers, there is one specific piece of advice I would give to you, going “hard on her” is not a good idea. It’s never a good idea to get emotionally volatile with a flake, and in this case seeing as it’s a co-worker it’s even more important that you are unreactive to her in that way.

      • NewYorker88

        Thanks for your reply. You see this is where it was tough, there was a few key times where if it was anyone other girl I would have made a move but because of the work thing and the fact she had voiced concerns I did not. I wanted to give her more space and time and thought I she would let me know when she was ready. When she said yes to the date I was thinking that would be sooner rather than later but what can you do. When I say not be too hard on her I meant in terms of her flaking because 1) it is work 2) she already had voiced concerns going in.

        I will ask her for coffee and let her know all is cool and hope we can be friends and then pull back and give her some space (and probably try and pursue other opportunities in the dating world) do you think that would be best in this case? At least will know I am not a dramatic about the entire situation. Also I did like hanging out and so don’t want to ruin a possible friendship, even though I will be cautious with that as I am into her.

        • DailyManliness

          No problem, that’s why I do these articles. Being understanding and moving forward is the best course of action in this case like you’re saying. Your first line is my favorite though and important to note, if you’re not making a move when your gut is telling you to then you’re probably in a situation that is more difficult than usual.

  • Brooklyn

    So my ex girlfriend recently started texting to see how I was doing after I went no contact for 3 months. She even went as far as to admitting that she was being a bitch when she broke up with me. She then suggested we hang out two days later and I agreed though I said I would have to tell her the morning of the agreed date because I had something planned earlier in the day( didn’t want to seem too available). The morning of the date though she texted me to say that she forgot that she had a bunch of work that she had to finish that was all due on the same day. I decided to play it cool and just say it was fine after she apologized the first time. The second time she apologized I said it was nothing to apologize for. I honestly still like her and would really like to see her but I’m a bit stumped on how to proceed because we dated for almost 4 years and at the same time I’m trying not to seem needy.

    • DailyManliness

      This is definitely not in the flaking wheelhouse and way too in depth to answer in most situations, especially based on a slim paragraph. Obviously you need to first and foremost analyze why you broke up, odds are regardless of the reason, it was because you were not on top of your game. Women do not break up with ripped millionaire alpha males, unless they’re capable of getting another or looking for a payout in a marriage. This is why Hollywood relationships are so “every other day” because there are a dime-a-dozen available to the women there, that are not available in “real life” for regular guys. Obviously you need to think if she is someone you want to be with again, but most importantly the reasons you believe it did not work out the first time. For example, if you believe you were being insecure that would be something you would want cleared up this time around. Maybe you were too attached and only saw each other or gave up on your own pursuits/hobbies. Maybe you weren’t working on improving yourself or went to hell with yourself health wise/physically. That one alone has a lot of caveats to it, if you’re not a workout-a-holic at least eat right and not be overweight. Taking care of yourself and doing what you’re capable/able to do for your health is important.

      I have seen guys in relationships for long periods of time and almost always they lose their way. It seems like almost a certainty in our current generation for guys to just slip up when they’re in a relationship, it’s crucial to not do that. As far as “game” goes, this was not a flake in the way this article was meant to describe a flake, not even close. You have a seriously established thing with the woman in question, so how best to proceed is really what you think is best based on knowing her for so long. The real advice is what I mentioned about not losing your way. If she’s coming around again she may think you have improved from when you were together. Ascension and attaining more needs to be the goal of all men, a better job, a better physique, a better lifestyle, better women and on and on. She could be feeling around to see if any of those things came to fruition. If you did have a lull after so long together she may just be hoping you’re back to being your “old self” that she met. Again based on such a complex situation rooted in years of familiarity there isn’t much I can know and I can only offer advice based on generalizations. It is almost a fact after so long I’d bet you “fell off the bike” a little bit with some of the things I mentioned. Being your prime-self will always bring old flames back and staying your prime-self will keep them for as long as possible. And the great thing is, even if one particular woman leaves when you’re at the top of your game, other women will be available to you as well.

      • BigM

        Hey could I ask you for advice on how to proceed with my situation? Thank you very much!

        • DailyManliness

          Yup, I’ll answer as I have with the other comments

          • BigM

            I met this girl online. First date went great, spent almost 5 hours together getting drunk and making out by the end of the night. We went home separately. She texts me the next day to hang out, saying she had the best first date ever. Later we decided we were still too hungover to do anything, it was mutual.

            So we reschedule for tomorrow. Tomorrow came and she cancels an hour before the date. Valid excuse #1. Says she’s sorry, excited to go out with me, and rescheduled for the weekend. Middle of the week she doesn’t respond to a text to plan what to do for the weekend. After two days I come back from my business trip and I text her saying her lack of response is a shame since we had a great time. And hope she’s doing well. Thats it. She texts immediately after saying she was sorry for not being honest and its because I hit on a couple girls on our first date, and the second girl was flirting with me which pissed her off and worried her. (I did joke around with them but nothing serious, we were drunk after all)

            Weekend came and she flakes again, valid excuse #2. Says she’s sorry and she really wants to hang out tomorrow. I tell her it’s ok, scheduling problems happen, and to text me tomorrow if she wants to go out. She promises she will and is super excited and apologetic.

            She texts me and we end up going out. Again had an amazing time. Slept over at her place, no sex we were both too tired and it was getting very late but I also lost my condoms so didn’t even try. She missed work to hang out with me. Now she texts me when I get home to ask if I got home alright, and I replied she said she had an amazing time agin. Wants to see me during the week.

            I text her in the middle of the week to set something up for tomorrow but she hints at wanting to grab something to eat that night. I tell her I’m busy and let’s go out tomorrow night instead. Says she’s very excited. Middle of the day after setting a plan she says she can’t go out. Valid excuse #3 (she said because she missed work last time with me, she’s stressed and has to catch up with work for tomorrow) so she reschedules for the weekend. I text her today and we agree on where to go. But when I ask for the time she doesn’t respond. I text her a couple hours later. Nothing. Send her an inside joke about her lack of response a couple more hours later. Still nothing.

            I might have appeared too eager last time. But I felt like twice I left a great impression, we both had a great time. It might have been for several reasons. But one thing comes to mind is that we both talked about our last relationship in the second date, and I might have slipped that I am still texting my ex (stupid I know, I honestly don’t remember, but it was earlier in the night and didn’t change the mood through out the night) It has been to days with no text or any response.

            What should be my next move.
            If you have any more questions feel free to ask. Thank you!

          • DailyManliness

            It seems like in all honesty she was busy because she was seeing you and being intimate with you, she’s busy one day then available another. The major problem would be if you see each other and nothings happening, or she keeps flaking without seeing you at all. That would mean she’s just using you as an “option guy” for attention and validation. The give and take portion of your story doesn’t look like anything is amiss. Maybe minor game playing, maybe legitimate schedule conflicts (seems like you had a few too, they happen) so it definitely wasn’t a big deal the way it was going. Now that you’re saying she’s ignoring you and that initial back and forth has waned, the initial response shouldn’t be to go harder. Repeated texting with no answer isn’t something I’d suggest especially in such a short period of time. That convey’s a message that you’re chillin waiting for her to basically live or do anything. Women want to be a part of your (exciting) life, not the goddess you worship. Multiple denied attempts to communicate is time to take the foot off the gas and let her come back or re-visit it after having some space. Over eagerness whether in person or in text can give a woman the upperhand. Even that isn’t what is making her not answer, this is more of general advice than applying to this situation. Maybe she’s a co-dependent woman and your traveling to work is driving insecurities through the roof, maybe she had a job meeting, I don’t think any of it has to do with you and your interactions with her.

            Just for the record I do not think that your hitting on girls or mentioning you’re talking to your ex hurt you in any way either. Her bringing up the girls you hit on was a shit test (something I definitely need to cover in future pieces) and making light of it was handled well. Based on everything you’re saying you didn’t do anything “wrong” where I can really rip on anything you did as a novice move. I’d definitely recommend having the condoms next time, that seems like it could be the only error. You never want to pass up an opportunity when a woman is making herself sexually available. I’m not saying this as much to you as I am to my general readers, when you have the opportunity it’s always better to take it. Sex automatically puts woman in a different frame of mind.

            Fun story for everyone while I’m commenting that kind of relates: One of my friends slept with a girl recently and she became obsessed with him “things were just different” and when he didn’t answer her she would send him essay after essay. I sat in the car with him hysterical laughing at his few word answers and she would send him what seemed like novels, in text and on Facebook. She was terrified he didn’t like her and his lack of interest answers really freaked her out. That was after sex though, he did the usual game stuff, but once the sex happened she become attached. Sex is a womans bartering chip. As men we have so much to offer and can work on different things, our bodies, brains, wallets etc…Women only have a body. We don’t seek women for being dominated in the bedroom, for lavish gifts, for a lifestyle and all that good stuff. Sex is important and once she gives it, you gain the edge.

          • BigM

            Thanks for the advice! What I will say that I was pressured to go to watch a game with my friends that day. around the evening. So I wanted a confirmation so I could commit one way or the other. Which is why I texted twice, I still consider it a mistake in hindsight. I ended up going to the game. I will say that maybe it was the plan. Dinner then spa, we talked about going to the spa before, she liked the idea, but she wasn’t that enthused that day. Said maybe. Should have taken the hint. so that could have been why she didn’t commit. Anyway, the next day went to brunch and posted a pic where my friend commented about the game yesterday. Maybe she saw it. Anyway, what should be my next move, its been since Saturday?

            Again Thank you for your quick reply!

          • DailyManliness

            Going out with your friends shouldn’t be a pressure, it should a part of a balanced lifestyle. The real pressure is feeling pressured by a woman to avoid your friends or making your friends an option seeking to see her instead. Similar to what I’ve said in other comments to other posters, you are very concerned about almost every detail of her thought process. When you get to the point you think changing your pictures is a cause of concern it’s time to step back and cool down worrying about her and what she’s thinking. Women can tell when you’re overly concerned with them. You pretty much hit the nail on the head though when you described your next course of action, you find it to be odd and noticed she would be texting you if she wanted to see you and that’s correct. A woman who is interested makes an effort.

            I want to note with “effort” that is not always asking things outright, but women will always put themselves in the position to be asked. For example she rarely will say “hey let’s hang out” but often will say “are you free?”, “I’m bored”, “Hey my fish looks sparkly” (as an invite to keep talking), and on and on. Being flat out ignored and reaching out multiple times, while still being ignored, usually isn’t a sign of attraction. If you’re looking for a reason for the fizzling out it most likely isn’t your fault. The only potential thing you did “wrong” like I said before was not escalating to sex when the opportunity presented itself. I understand your reasoning and could only say to be better prepared next time. Also, I’m surprised you didn’t think that SHE may have condoms herself. This may be one of my favorite things to note for readers and I’m glad your comment triggered this thought. Women are sexual creatures too and that’s a great lesson here, don’t assume a woman isn’t prepared even if you aren’t. Almost all the women I know have condoms at home and some keep a condom on them as well.

            Overall my entire point of writing this article was to prove you can give another chance and obviously that applies to you as well if you choose to do so. Just remember to apply the advice of keep living, have fun, post pictures at fun events. She may contact you on her own or you can re-initiate with something as well. There’s a great chance from what you’re saying that maybe this woman you’re seeing is actually just busy and she could even be the type who doesn’t want to be serious right now. There’s so many options to what “went wrong” but the important thing is to take the lessons learned from this and apply them to other more receptive women or even her when you start talking again. I’ve noticed many women pull away so you can cool off and fix your mistakes for the next time you’re actually with her and the woman basically provides a lesson to help herself. That too could be in play. There’s no way to know, just keep improving and focusing on yourself and your goals, women follow when you’re on a clear path of success.

          • BigM

            Thank you very much. I’ll take a week or two off and try again. What do you think of this. A recent update is that she started following another guy and liked his photos. Lives in LA Something she did when we started going out. And he liked two of her recent photos as well. Actually looks a bit like me funny enough. So I’m leaning towards the fact that she’s playing the field. This must have been recent though.

          • DailyManliness

            Based on your comments it seems like you’ve figured out a reasonable option for why she’s been different recently. She could be seeing someone else, or seeing other people, that’s always on the table as a main reason for a girls lack of interest after a few dates.

  • DailyManliness

    For some reason your comment was caught in the comment spam filter which is why I didn’t answer right away as I have with the other comments. It’s obviously far beyond the situation now and I’m sure it figured itself out one way or another but I can give the advice I would have given anyway. This situation seemed like the perfect way to handle a friendzone situation. You disappeared and then ran into her again (hopefully improved) and she seemed more receptive to you. Flaking again obviously changes the narrative once more though and despite her excuse seeming legitimate it’s entirely possible she just put you back in the friend box right away. A just be friends text deviates from traditional flaking game because that’s when you really need to improve or AT LEAST have a new girlfriend. To get out of the friendzone requires improvements in all aspects of your life, including your ability to escalate physically. A new job, a better body, new car, a girl you’re seeing etc…The entire appearance of your life needs to improve. Similarly that’s how life needs to be at all times, a constant improvement, but especially if you’re keen on being with a particular woman who friendzoned you. The only thing not suggested for a flake or a girl who’s friendzoned you is to offer constant attention and validation when she doesn’t deserve it. I hope the situation worked out in your favor, if it didn’t then hopefully future first dates go more your way. I do have an article on this site with first date tips and ideas which may help your future first dates go smoother.